Byrons Track By Track Review Of Relapse.

TheRealProtege · 05-08-2009, 06:27 PM

Eminem, Relapse (Aftermath, 2009)
Can you believe it's been five years since I reviewed the last Eminem album, Encore, on this site? Supposedly, Em spent the interim sitting around taking pills, and he almost died from an overdose of methadone - the shit they use to wean people off heroin. Can he still rap?

•Eminem @ MySpace

DR. WEST

Em is discharged from rehab, but then he ends up having to kill his doctor, because I guess he wasn't cured properly.

3 AM

The second single from Relapse, with the crazy video. Still with the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog voice and the uber dated pop culture references. In this case, it's Silence of the Lambs. I still think this is retarded, but I'm less upset at it within the context of the album. As my good friend eskay pointed out on Twitter yesterday, retarded is what Eminem does.

MY MOM

Still complaining about his mother, as he stares down 40. Now he blames her for his drug problem. Notice how all of these Dr. Dre beats sounds the same? Not that I'm complaining or anything - I wish there was 10 times as many of them. This one's a slight variation on "What's the Difference," which is pretty ancient, if you think about. One of these days I need to dig up my copies of 2001 and the Marshall Mathers LP and party as if it was 2000.

INSANE

Did he just admit to having been bufued by his stepfather? Yikes! Em is going way deeper on this album as far as airing out his various issues. Some of this shit is down right hard to listen to. It's no wonder he was on drugs. He might need to stay on drugs. If I was ever tampered with (which I couldn't be, natch) I don't know if I'd want to be sober very often. I don't want to be sober very often as it is.

BAGPIPES FROM BAGHDAD

Presumably just an excuse to rap in an Arab accent. The thing is, he isn't rapping about Baghdad or the war or anything. He's actually rapping about his relationship with Mariah Carey. Which may have been old news back when Encore was out. It's hard to say at this point. But it was a long time ago. He must have seen those pictures of her an Nick Cannon and been reminded. He seems genuinely pissed at Nick Cannon for having married.

HELLO

Yet another song about how he's been on drugs. The details make me believe he really has spent the past five years popping various pills. The sex stuff is amusing too. It's sounds like he's been banging a lot of strippers.

TONYA (SKIT)

I was taking care of something and end up missing this.

SAME SONG & DANCE

This one begins, "One rape charge, and people think you're a monster." Roffle. And then it goes on from there. Let me guess: he's trying to get people protesting outside his shows, like back in 2000. Also, I'm gonna guess he did the beat for this one himself.

WE MADE YOU

This isn't half as bad, without the dumbass video. Within the context of the album, it provides some much needed comic relief. Most of the rest of these songs are funny, but they're pretty disturbing, and you guys know I could give a rat's ass. I can only imagine what the PC community's gonna say about this album, especially if it becomes a big hit.

MEDICINE BALL

In which we learn that Em's had a vasectomy. Which lends credence to my theory that he's been banging a lot of hoo-ers. But if I was famous, and I was banging a lot of hoo-ers (which I would be), I wouldn't want anyone knowing I was sterile. I'd want every girl to think there's the possibility I could accidentally impregnate them. I guess if you've got enough money, you can get broads to bang you anyway.

PAUL (SKIT)

I love the fact that he's still going at Christopher Reeve, even though he's been dead for years now.

STAY WIDE AWAKE

He seems really obsessed with the idea of mutilating women's vaginae on this album. On one song, he talks about sticking a balloon in a woman's twat and blowing it up, and on this one, he talks about shoving an umbrella up there and opening it up. The fuck?

OLD TIMES SAKE

The one they leaked the other day, concerned people might think the entire album is as retarded as "We Made You" and "3 AM." Which, ironically enough, it is. This is easily the most 2001 thing on the album. It's fine for what it is, but it's actually kinda boring compared to the rest of this stuff.

MUST BE THE GANJA

Another song about smoking weed, except Eminem produced this one. Er, I'm hoping he did. It's got a few Dr. Dre-isms, but it's so shitty. They could have kept this one.

MR. MATHERS

Missed this one too. I guess he died or ODd or whatever. The next song takes place in a hospital.

DEJA VU

Em breaks down how he got to the point where he damn near died and made an album that could probably get his kids taken away from him.

BEAUTIFUL

I'm assuming he produced this one too. It reminds me of some of the worst stuff he did back when he first started doing beats. I wouldn't be surprised if it's been sitting around for a while. The thing is, there probably isn't anyone who can tell Eminem which songs he can and can't have on the album, and it probably won't sell any worse for having a lot of garbage towards the end.

CRACK A BOTTLE

Remember this? It feels weird here tacked on to the end of the album. It's obvious he went into the studio looking to create something very commercial, and this was the best he could come up with. It had some success on the charts, but probably mostly because it was the first Eminem song since forever.

STEVE BERMAN

This feels tacked on too. I guess people would have complained if it wasn't there.

UNDERGROUND/KEN KANIFF

Holy crap! I thought he was done with the gay bashing after he performed with Elton John at the Grammys. This is like the '09 "Criminal," but maybe even worse. It sounds like an absolute nightmare, though. Em must have produced it himself.

COMMENTS: I'm surprised at how much I liked this album. You guys know I wasn't very big on the singles, but I think they work a lot better in the context of the album - the guy is genuinely crazy, it's hardly any wonder he's taking drugs and rapping in funny voices and going off on people. This would be worth checking out, if only as a fascinating glimpse into the mind of a complete nutjob, a la Ol' Dirty's Nigga Please, but it's actually not a half bad listen. A little bit long, but what are you gonna do?

BEST TRACKS: "My Mom" "Insane" "We Made You"

Europe Guy · 05-09-2009, 12:03 PM

lol when i was reading track by track review he like bashed every song (even beautiful and underground

) and at the ending comments he said it was pretty good or smething, lol wtf

TheRealProtege · 05-09-2009, 12:33 PM

LoL i know huh? Lol..i was like wtf?

Da Real Deal · 05-09-2009, 12:38 PM

lol thats Byron Crawford, not surprised.

DaKillahWitNoFace · 05-09-2009, 12:55 PM

this guy is a fucking retard.

SP3unit · 05-09-2009, 06:11 PM

Everyone on the net is a damn critic, the album in my opinion can only be listened to at a certain state of mind. There is no way in hell i can bump this album in the gym or when im in a good mood. This shit is straight out of your mind type music.

The Real K.I.N.G. · 05-09-2009, 08:13 PM

LOL this review is funny but I take it in a positive way... I don't know whether to take Insane serious or not.

black ice 07 · 05-10-2009, 01:14 PM

Yeah Slim Shady made this cd. Really don't fuck with Slim Shady, but I can apreciate it. Lyrically you can't say Eminem didn't rip a few of thos tracks.

Hackster23 · 05-10-2009, 02:40 PM

This must be the worst Review of All time :SMH:

shade4tee5 · 05-10-2009, 05:46 PM

shittiest reveiw ever

Hydro Man · 05-10-2009, 06:31 PM

Havent heard the album yet cuz I dont wanna Dl the leak. But i already kno its gonna ruffle sum feathers and have sum people scratchin they headz..but i loook at it as art not somethin to bump in my car...Carter III made me scratch my head when I first heard it...now I like it so so just give Em or Slim Shady or whoever he is now a chance...

Memo · 05-11-2009, 02:40 PM

If you didn't like "Beautiful" and you claim that "Must Be The Ganja" is shitty, you should be a fuckin hater.

A.T.I. · 05-13-2009, 06:13 AM

Bol>>>this section

TeGo · 05-13-2009, 09:13 AM

lmaoooo @ this review pulling in all the red rep havin niggas..

BlackBauer · 05-13-2009, 05:16 PM

This is probably the worst review I've ever read

05-08-2009, 06:27 PM	#1
TheRealProtege The alias is Protege Join Date: May 2006 Location: ThA WiLd WeSt Posts: 2,025 Repped: 165 Repped 593 Times in 171 Posts Neg Reps: 149 Neg Repped at 86 Times in 74 Posts	Byrons Track By Track Review Of Relapse. Byrons Track By Track Review Of Relapse. Eminem, Relapse (Aftermath, 2009) Can you believe it's been five years since I reviewed the last Eminem album, Encore, on this site? Supposedly, Em spent the interim sitting around taking pills, and he almost died from an overdose of methadone - the shit they use to wean people off heroin. Can he still rap? •Eminem @ MySpace DR. WEST Em is discharged from rehab, but then he ends up having to kill his doctor, because I guess he wasn't cured properly. 3 AM The second single from Relapse, with the crazy video. Still with the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog voice and the uber dated pop culture references. In this case, it's Silence of the Lambs. I still think this is retarded, but I'm less upset at it within the context of the album. As my good friend eskay pointed out on Twitter yesterday, retarded is what Eminem does. MY MOM Still complaining about his mother, as he stares down 40. Now he blames her for his drug problem. Notice how all of these Dr. Dre beats sounds the same? Not that I'm complaining or anything - I wish there was 10 times as many of them. This one's a slight variation on "What's the Difference," which is pretty ancient, if you think about. One of these days I need to dig up my copies of 2001 and the Marshall Mathers LP and party as if it was 2000. INSANE Did he just admit to having been bufued by his stepfather? Yikes! Em is going way deeper on this album as far as airing out his various issues. Some of this shit is down right hard to listen to. It's no wonder he was on drugs. He might need to stay on drugs. If I was ever tampered with (which I couldn't be, natch) I don't know if I'd want to be sober very often. I don't want to be sober very often as it is. BAGPIPES FROM BAGHDAD Presumably just an excuse to rap in an Arab accent. The thing is, he isn't rapping about Baghdad or the war or anything. He's actually rapping about his relationship with Mariah Carey. Which may have been old news back when Encore was out. It's hard to say at this point. But it was a long time ago. He must have seen those pictures of her an Nick Cannon and been reminded. He seems genuinely pissed at Nick Cannon for having married. HELLO Yet another song about how he's been on drugs. The details make me believe he really has spent the past five years popping various pills. The sex stuff is amusing too. It's sounds like he's been banging a lot of strippers. TONYA (SKIT) I was taking care of something and end up missing this. SAME SONG & DANCE This one begins, "One rape charge, and people think you're a monster." Roffle. And then it goes on from there. Let me guess: he's trying to get people protesting outside his shows, like back in 2000. Also, I'm gonna guess he did the beat for this one himself. WE MADE YOU This isn't half as bad, without the dumbass video. Within the context of the album, it provides some much needed comic relief. Most of the rest of these songs are funny, but they're pretty disturbing, and you guys know I could give a rat's ass. I can only imagine what the PC community's gonna say about this album, especially if it becomes a big hit. MEDICINE BALL In which we learn that Em's had a vasectomy. Which lends credence to my theory that he's been banging a lot of hoo-ers. But if I was famous, and I was banging a lot of hoo-ers (which I would be), I wouldn't want anyone knowing I was sterile. I'd want every girl to think there's the possibility I could accidentally impregnate them. I guess if you've got enough money, you can get broads to bang you anyway. PAUL (SKIT) I love the fact that he's still going at Christopher Reeve, even though he's been dead for years now. STAY WIDE AWAKE He seems really obsessed with the idea of mutilating women's vaginae on this album. On one song, he talks about sticking a balloon in a woman's twat and blowing it up, and on this one, he talks about shoving an umbrella up there and opening it up. The fuck? OLD TIMES SAKE The one they leaked the other day, concerned people might think the entire album is as retarded as "We Made You" and "3 AM." Which, ironically enough, it is. This is easily the most 2001 thing on the album. It's fine for what it is, but it's actually kinda boring compared to the rest of this stuff. MUST BE THE GANJA Another song about smoking weed, except Eminem produced this one. Er, I'm hoping he did. It's got a few Dr. Dre-isms, but it's so shitty. They could have kept this one. MR. MATHERS Missed this one too. I guess he died or ODd or whatever. The next song takes place in a hospital. DEJA VU Em breaks down how he got to the point where he damn near died and made an album that could probably get his kids taken away from him. BEAUTIFUL I'm assuming he produced this one too. It reminds me of some of the worst stuff he did back when he first started doing beats. I wouldn't be surprised if it's been sitting around for a while. The thing is, there probably isn't anyone who can tell Eminem which songs he can and can't have on the album, and it probably won't sell any worse for having a lot of garbage towards the end. CRACK A BOTTLE Remember this? It feels weird here tacked on to the end of the album. It's obvious he went into the studio looking to create something very commercial, and this was the best he could come up with. It had some success on the charts, but probably mostly because it was the first Eminem song since forever. STEVE BERMAN This feels tacked on too. I guess people would have complained if it wasn't there. UNDERGROUND/KEN KANIFF Holy crap! I thought he was done with the gay bashing after he performed with Elton John at the Grammys. This is like the '09 "Criminal," but maybe even worse. It sounds like an absolute nightmare, though. Em must have produced it himself. COMMENTS: I'm surprised at how much I liked this album. You guys know I wasn't very big on the singles, but I think they work a lot better in the context of the album - the guy is genuinely crazy, it's hardly any wonder he's taking drugs and rapping in funny voices and going off on people. This would be worth checking out, if only as a fascinating glimpse into the mind of a complete nutjob, a la Ol' Dirty's Nigga Please, but it's actually not a half bad listen. A little bit long, but what are you gonna do? BEST TRACKS: "My Mom" "Insane" "We Made You" __________________ The new motto is...WHOEVER soundclick.com/protegerebelflag

05-09-2009, 12:33 PM	#3
TheRealProtege The alias is Protege Join Date: May 2006 Location: ThA WiLd WeSt Posts: 2,025 Repped: 165 Repped 593 Times in 171 Posts Neg Reps: 149 Neg Repped at 86 Times in 74 Posts	LoL i know huh? Lol..i was like wtf? __________________ The new motto is...WHOEVER soundclick.com/protegerebelflag

05-09-2009, 12:38 PM	#4
Da Real Deal Most Likely To Succeed Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Chicago Illinois/Jackson,MS Posts: 4,982 Repped: 889 Repped 2,798 Times in 610 Posts Neg Reps: 178 Neg Repped at 150 Times in 102 Posts	lol thats Byron Crawford, not surprised. __________________

05-09-2009, 08:13 PM	#7
The Real K.I.N.G. Too Ill For Radio Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Windy City Posts: 2,926 Repped: 824 Repped 458 Times in 182 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 8 Times in 8 Posts	LOL this review is funny but I take it in a positive way... I don't know whether to take Insane serious or not. __________________ R.O.B.

05-10-2009, 05:46 PM	#10
shade4tee5 The Hype Is Real! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 1,262 Repped: 308 Repped 105 Times in 40 Posts Neg Reps: 288 Neg Repped at 31 Times in 26 Posts	shittiest reveiw ever __________________ Y'all forgot who helped 50 Cent pop? I ain't spent my own money since Eminem dropped. - Dr. Dre "yeah i am gay and i like Two men doing 69" - Raskae

05-09-2009, 12:03 PM	#2
Europe Guy Veteran Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Lithuania Posts: 2,280 Repped: 501 Repped 224 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 12 Times in 12 Posts	lol when i was reading track by track review he like bashed every song (even beautiful and underground ) and at the ending comments he said it was pretty good or smething, lol wtf

05-09-2009, 12:55 PM	#5
DaKillahWitNoFace Veteran Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Queen$, New York Posts: 2,538 Repped: 708 Repped 1,782 Times in 202 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 7 Times in 5 Posts	this guy is a fucking retard.

05-09-2009, 06:11 PM	#6
SP3unit Veteran Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,215 Repped: 128 Repped 197 Times in 117 Posts Neg Reps: 43 Neg Repped at 50 Times in 40 Posts	Everyone on the net is a damn critic, the album in my opinion can only be listened to at a certain state of mind. There is no way in hell i can bump this album in the gym or when im in a good mood. This shit is straight out of your mind type music.

05-10-2009, 01:14 PM	#8
black ice 07 Veteran Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Memphis Tenn Posts: 1,915 Repped: 922 Repped 841 Times in 137 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 11 Times in 10 Posts	Yeah Slim Shady made this cd. Really don't fuck with Slim Shady, but I can apreciate it. Lyrically you can't say Eminem didn't rip a few of thos tracks.

05-10-2009, 02:40 PM	#9
Hackster23 Veteran Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: STR8T OUT THE 213! Posts: 1,123 Repped: 966 Repped 138 Times in 28 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 2 Times in 1 Post	This must be the worst Review of All time :SMH:

05-10-2009, 06:31 PM	#11
Hydro Man Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Miami, Fl Posts: 166 Repped: 5 Repped 24 Times in 17 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 4 Posts	Havent heard the album yet cuz I dont wanna Dl the leak. But i already kno its gonna ruffle sum feathers and have sum people scratchin they headz..but i loook at it as art not somethin to bump in my car...Carter III made me scratch my head when I first heard it...now I like it so so just give Em or Slim Shady or whoever he is now a chance...

05-11-2009, 02:40 PM	#12
Memo Veteran Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Turkey Posts: 1,968 Repped: 230 Repped 77 Times in 58 Posts Neg Reps: 22 Neg Repped at 7 Times in 6 Posts	If you didn't like "Beautiful" and you claim that "Must Be The Ganja" is shitty, you should be a fuckin hater.

05-13-2009, 06:13 AM	#13
A.T.I. Agitating the Ignorant Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 7,582 Repped: 1,368 Repped 2,032 Times in 713 Posts Neg Reps: 152 Neg Repped at 155 Times in 126 Posts	Bol>>>this section __________________ “At a snail's pace, I won this race that y'all trail"

05-13-2009, 09:13 AM	#14
TeGo Veteran Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: In Ya Bedroom Wit Da Nina, Where The Lube At? :ninja: Posts: 8,273 Repped: 1,076 Repped 1,596 Times in 722 Posts Neg Reps: 23 Neg Repped at 121 Times in 91 Posts	lmaoooo @ this review pulling in all the red rep havin niggas.. __________________

05-13-2009, 05:16 PM	#15
BlackBauer Veteran Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Europe Posts: 8,105 Repped: 3,712 Repped 9,644 Times in 707 Posts Neg Reps: 88 Neg Repped at 30 Times in 24 Posts	This is probably the worst review I've ever read __________________ ''Where I'm from, there is no plan B. So take advantage of today because tomorrow is not promised'' - 50 Cent

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