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Old 09-25-2006, 02:54 AM   #1
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Default my first drop... ever

my first drop... ever

Quote:
my words spread faster than syphillis on a clitoris,
stick up your stick up man, beggin why did you put me up to this?
its not whether you had pussy,
its how you fucked with it.
simple minded cowards dont use their mind
cuz they doubtin it
make your blood boil from my words
and the ammunition it comes packaged with.
lyrically, i send you to the heavens with God
turn you upside-down, head backwards, realizing your life's a facade.
shred it, embed it,
and burn your tongue with it.
open your mouth as well as your mind,
that's a good bitch,
now swallow my pride.
1-10...

it's my first drop.. and i'm thinking of doing some more. Need some constructive criticism.. so just say what u think... prizzopz...
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Old 09-25-2006, 04:58 AM   #2
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Kinda Cool Kinda Wack I say 7
Lines were to short and it was way too Abstract It sounded like poetry cause Up to now I dunno what your talking about.

But Nice Drop
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Old 09-25-2006, 07:59 AM   #3
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nice drop homie
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Old 09-25-2006, 01:09 PM   #4
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not bad man just stay up
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Old 09-25-2006, 01:11 PM   #5
 
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5 from me... but keep it up...
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Old 09-25-2006, 01:51 PM   #6
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wer exactly does it.... RHYME
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Old 09-25-2006, 02:04 PM   #7
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^^ lol yya i just read it lol no rhyms at all
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Old 09-25-2006, 05:41 PM   #8
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the first line wat tight though
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Old 09-25-2006, 05:42 PM   #9
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over 3000 posts aswel.. nd this s tha first time uve been tempted to spit??
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Old 09-25-2006, 05:45 PM   #10
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lmfaooooooooooo yo souljah u got aim homey
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Old 09-25-2006, 05:59 PM   #11
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pretty good for a first....but u need to make it ryme...lol

keep at it
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Old 09-25-2006, 05:59 PM   #12
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the first line was fuckin hot


y aint anybody saying that
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Old 09-25-2006, 06:00 PM   #13
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i got msn... but i dont do aim

which means... bitch ass betta get urself downloadin msn.. :)
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Old 09-25-2006, 06:02 PM   #14
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lmao msn can suck my dick

lmao
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Old 09-25-2006, 06:03 PM   #15
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well for msn to suck ur dick.. u will have to download it first...

GET THE FUCK DOWLOADIN IT
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Old 09-25-2006, 07:03 PM   #16
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Default yo

ive read ur first drop wna battle i wont go all out hard man jst for pravitse for both of us
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Old 09-25-2006, 11:23 PM   #17
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i dont really freestyle.. ima chat whore.. you'll see me in the chat section a lot and a couple of us started dropping bars there... and i got some good reviews so i though i'd drop it here. I'm not a battle MC, more of a poetic type.

here's my 2nd verse.. and about the rhyme scheme, I know it sounds weird here but wheN I say it, it sounds much better. so i feel you guys on that part (no homo)
Quote:
I move with the rhythm when I spit them shells,
you caught so much,
you're catchier than the words to Jingle Bells.
^ just for fun...

2nd drop

Quote:
im a soul assasin,
release my passion and spread it thru the masses//
hypothetically speaking, my words will clear your vision
better than prescription glasses.//
i write rhymes for my simplistic pleasure
but at times it reaches a magnitude i cant measure.//
I wonder if I look up in the sky
and ask the heavenly father,
would he grant me my wish
or not even bother?//
my wish is to deliver rhymes that are nutritious,
simple yet vicious, become proliferous
and blow thru your town like Bush's secret business.//
i got deadlocked at the end.. but w/e......
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Old 09-25-2006, 11:39 PM   #18
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for a first time it was real good... better than me at my first time

just try and have syllables match up and dont be afraid to do a multie or try punches even tho you dont really need them
this is a multie

.................................................. ...... pie red
.................................................. ......die said

it should make sense tho and it doesnt need to be perfect rhyme... you should try to make your lines a bit longer and make it so your verses are long.. just keep doin you....

ps. try not to have to many lines that dont rhyme like one or two is fine just not so many where a bad reader will be like wtf
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Old 09-26-2006, 01:28 AM   #19
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aight no doubt... thanks on that...

i'll try to tweak it to sound better as i progress..
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Old 09-26-2006, 01:52 AM   #20
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check out my free. Give ya better understanding.
Oh yeah my shit was way worse than yours the first time ask anyone.
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Old 09-26-2006, 02:13 AM   #21
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organize your rhymes,keep same lentgh
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Old 09-26-2006, 08:29 PM   #22
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i'm sorry.. i'm having trouble understanding what you're saying... those sigs are just...... wow..... ....
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Old 09-26-2006, 09:52 PM   #23
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they aight,dont rhyme 2 much tho
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Old 09-27-2006, 02:55 AM   #24
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Quote:
you're more illiterate than a blind mute,
try to jump into my train of thoughts,
and you'd wish you had parachute.//
next time you see me in your dreams
and you wish i died,
you better wake the fuck up and apologize.
because falling victim to my chain of belligerent rhymes,
will have your tombstone saying 'cause of death: suicide.'//
if this was actually on audio, you guys wouldnt say it doesnt rhyme. stop being so simple minded... my rhymes have a lot to do with a certain flow that I have.. so just picture it verbally..
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Old 09-27-2006, 04:34 PM   #25
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lol i read the first 1 again... and this new 1... they do rhyme.. its just uve layed it out sooooooo arkward... its real hard to find tha rhythm to em.. SET EM OUT DIFFERENT..

Nd ye Cc tha first line was gd lol
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