first drop here

Pillow · 10-23-2009, 06:34 AM

ok so wat i've seen so far on this site (which isnt much i'm still new) i've noticed that the drops are weak, the flows are off/very few multies/imagery or punches are nearly non-existant...so i'ma see wat this drop does.
its called

Darkside

I pull up to my house an walk up to the front door,
its been a long day so i dont wanna take no more.
I jus wanna get a drink an relax relapse an get some coke,
till i hear my wife screamin am i dreamin? is this a fuckin joke?
Walk silently to the bedroom an witness her on top of some dude,
I jus say fuck it an walk into the kitchen i dont wanna be rude.
I casually grab a knife an a razor an put some tape in my pocket,
Sneak back into the bedroom an close the door before a lock it.
Pull the razor an tape out face out an tear of a small strip,
throw the bitch off his dick an put the tape across his lips.
Hit himin the temple an say its simple i dont even wanna hear you cough,
Grab the bitch by her hair an tell her there "now suck that bastard off!"
I'll torture her before him but first cut off some more of his foreskin,
Shove my knife up his ass it was i lil more than forced in.
While she puts his bloody dick in her mouth i pull the tape back out an start ta work magic,
so as i'm duct tapin him up i start wakin him up an whisper "its about ta get tragic"
First i guage out the bitches eye for even lookin at this guy,
then cut her lips around his dick for ever spittin a lie!
Then its back ta him, i start at his heart an cut open at the chest,
not deep enough ta kill him jus ta send him into cardiac arrest.
Now i'm almost done with these 2 but this is wat it leads to,
i break open his fuckin sternum jus ta watch him bleed through.
Reach down an rip out the vital organs "Now who the fuck is heartless!?
i told you once before bitch dont push me into the darkness!"

*News reporter the next day*

Local married couple found murdered and dismembered last night,
authorities say it was the horrendous result of a past fight.

Upon being released from a mental institution the man broke into the house of his Ex his was said to be obsessed with,
he is still compulsively telling interrogators that it was his house and his wife that he found another man having sex with.

It has been established that this was not the case and that he hasnt had any contact with this woman since they broke up in highschool,
Investigators say he must have followed her home one evening after seeing her at nightschool.

Pillow · 10-23-2009, 07:06 AM

uppin for some feed? i know this aint my best work but i'd rather see how ya'll feed, if you do, before i drop more

ShawnDaDon · 10-23-2009, 07:52 AM

i normaly take time to read peoples shit and critque it
but after the first few lines i could tell this wasnt goin anywhere
not a bad flow but this is basically a relapse leftover
its like a mix of eminem's stay wide awake and the last verse of guilty conscence
so like a 5 out of ten on this
and if your lokking for better drops by me check out my murkin season series or straight rippin cuz that battle verese was done in like 4 minutes

Pillow · 10-23-2009, 07:54 AM

if you dont read whole drops then you aint a true writer, my drops have a twist in them an almost always get better the longer it is. the beginning aint the best like i said, but it def. gets better towards the end ;)

ShawnDaDon · 10-23-2009, 07:59 AM

ok ok i went ahead and finished the piece and ur right it got a exponentialy better
but lik i said before i was not feeling the concept
this is something that is just played out i think evryone on here has dropped a piece like this (including me) so lets make this a 7.5 out of ten jus because of the played out concept

Pillow · 10-23-2009, 08:01 AM

fair enough for me, thanks for readin the rest lol

10-23-2009, 06:34 AM	#1
Pillow Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: a place Posts: 28 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	first drop here first drop here ok so wat i've seen so far on this site (which isnt much i'm still new) i've noticed that the drops are weak, the flows are off/very few multies/imagery or punches are nearly non-existant...so i'ma see wat this drop does. its called Darkside I pull up to my house an walk up to the front door, its been a long day so i dont wanna take no more. I jus wanna get a drink an relax relapse an get some coke, till i hear my wife screamin am i dreamin? is this a fuckin joke? Walk silently to the bedroom an witness her on top of some dude, I jus say fuck it an walk into the kitchen i dont wanna be rude. I casually grab a knife an a razor an put some tape in my pocket, Sneak back into the bedroom an close the door before a lock it. Pull the razor an tape out face out an tear of a small strip, throw the bitch off his dick an put the tape across his lips. Hit himin the temple an say its simple i dont even wanna hear you cough, Grab the bitch by her hair an tell her there "now suck that bastard off!" I'll torture her before him but first cut off some more of his foreskin, Shove my knife up his ass it was i lil more than forced in. While she puts his bloody dick in her mouth i pull the tape back out an start ta work magic, so as i'm duct tapin him up i start wakin him up an whisper "its about ta get tragic" First i guage out the bitches eye for even lookin at this guy, then cut her lips around his dick for ever spittin a lie! Then its back ta him, i start at his heart an cut open at the chest, not deep enough ta kill him jus ta send him into cardiac arrest. Now i'm almost done with these 2 but this is wat it leads to, i break open his fuckin sternum jus ta watch him bleed through. Reach down an rip out the vital organs "Now who the fuck is heartless!? i told you once before bitch dont push me into the darkness!" News reporter the next day Local married couple found murdered and dismembered last night, authorities say it was the horrendous result of a past fight. Upon being released from a mental institution the man broke into the house of his Ex his was said to be obsessed with, he is still compulsively telling interrogators that it was his house and his wife that he found another man having sex with. It has been established that this was not the case and that he hasnt had any contact with this woman since they broke up in highschool, Investigators say he must have followed her home one evening after seeing her at nightschool. __________________ Dont sleep on me

10-23-2009, 07:06 AM	#2
Pillow Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: a place Posts: 28 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	uppin for some feed? i know this aint my best work but i'd rather see how ya'll feed, if you do, before i drop more __________________ Dont sleep on me

10-23-2009, 07:52 AM	#3
ShawnDaDon Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Houston Tx Posts: 560 Repped: 78 Repped 87 Times in 67 Posts Neg Reps: 19 Neg Repped at 10 Times in 9 Posts	i normaly take time to read peoples shit and critque it but after the first few lines i could tell this wasnt goin anywhere not a bad flow but this is basically a relapse leftover its like a mix of eminem's stay wide awake and the last verse of guilty conscence so like a 5 out of ten on this and if your lokking for better drops by me check out my murkin season series or straight rippin cuz that battle verese was done in like 4 minutes __________________ only time when you put ice on ya wrist is when it gets sprained/only time you get ya dick wet is when you piss in the rain/this a tragedy/you get burnt quicker than a calorie/aint this the same shit you pulled with cassidy Serius Jones

10-23-2009, 07:54 AM	#4
Pillow Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: a place Posts: 28 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	if you dont read whole drops then you aint a true writer, my drops have a twist in them an almost always get better the longer it is. the beginning aint the best like i said, but it def. gets better towards the end ;) __________________ Dont sleep on me

10-23-2009, 07:59 AM	#5
ShawnDaDon Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Houston Tx Posts: 560 Repped: 78 Repped 87 Times in 67 Posts Neg Reps: 19 Neg Repped at 10 Times in 9 Posts	ok ok i went ahead and finished the piece and ur right it got a exponentialy better but lik i said before i was not feeling the concept this is something that is just played out i think evryone on here has dropped a piece like this (including me) so lets make this a 7.5 out of ten jus because of the played out concept __________________ only time when you put ice on ya wrist is when it gets sprained/only time you get ya dick wet is when you piss in the rain/this a tragedy/you get burnt quicker than a calorie/aint this the same shit you pulled with cassidy Serius Jones

10-23-2009, 08:01 AM	#6
Pillow Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: a place Posts: 28 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	fair enough for me, thanks for readin the rest lol __________________ Dont sleep on me

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