here we go again

Yung_blaze · 10-03-2009, 08:51 AM

Living in a dark society, ready to embark with rivalry
Barking silently
Starting violently, feel the heart beat inside of me
Times getting on raps worse with lies
Person music becoming commercialized
Done running from alert full guys
Spraying like mace gonna hurt all eyes
Dwelling in the pit of despair
Smelling disgusting with shit in the air
Burnt like being hit wita flare
Learnt at the top don’t quit when your there
Fear nothing in shadows try stealth
Cut of an arm to strangle myself
Mi-staked at start nite walkers jump out at ya
Raked in the heart then sucked the blood outta Dracula
Avenaged of my aquatints es, who don’t know what patients is
Pedophiles raping kids, this is real life
I wish I was faking it
World is mine fuckin up a rebel war
Knocking on the devils door
Made the bitch talk with his pitch fork
Then let the metal roar
Golden im standing by holding like a samurai
Told him ill gauge his eye
Listen to the coward cry empowered try
Hammers fly, forced em to watch their nana die
Fixated fully , next hated bully
Make u dumb out and push on a pully
Greatness , take this , shape spliffs
Make hits , blade pricks , played tricks
Made flicks , for a whole day tripped
Gave the moon a face lift Consume and taste it
Assume your wasted, ina room cremated,
Crazy goon acquainted
Hard of the top like a stiff paint lid
Let you faint quick , not worthy of tissue cos you aint shit
Looking over horizons, token control of fires
Industries enrolling liars
Its an emergency, ive learn to free
Burns to pee 3rd degree
Dare any mother fucker to murder me
Fuckin delayed train replayed pain
Sit and blade brain vibez the winner of the played game

Yung_blaze · 10-03-2009, 08:55 AM

tell me where i can improve

and

please tell me your favourite bars!!!

Yung_blaze · 10-10-2009, 11:04 AM

bump...........................

Ryder Bompton · 10-14-2009, 10:56 AM

its tight lil nigga you improved..... and guess wat u homeboy still got your old verse:

~YUNG BLAZE~
yea its a callaboration from east compton pirus
got the bitches riches fame G UNIT want to hire us
drink smoke get high all day thats the ECP gansta way
these rhyms are so complex this is Pac best hidden context
homie send me a text to tell me whos head i gotta take next
ill punch you vigorously in the teeth go bring on the beef
but when my nine draws u drop like falling leaf
YUNG BLAZE is evry fuckin crews missing ingredient
Got the guns and swords u really think im obedient
East compton pirus you no we the best
got the bitches wiv big titeis on the chest
keep the gat on my left side crew reppin west side
at the night u gettign washed like the everning tide

BACK FROM 2006 NIGGA!!!!!

Yung_blaze · 10-14-2009, 07:03 PM

hahahah wassup man that shit made me laugh brings back memories still remeber the day i done that

up for another collabo???

I am God · 10-14-2009, 08:15 PM

It was alright but you have many flaws i think you should work on. Sometimes I think you said random shit just to have something to rhyme with

Example:

Greatness , take this , shape spliffs
Make hits , blade pricks , played tricks
Made flicks , for a whole day tripped
Gave the moon a face lift Consume and taste its

Note: the idea of the rhyme scheme is good. It'd work if it was

Made this, Greatness, Hate This, take this,
made hits, played tricks, killed with blade pricks
Made flicks, and for a whole day spit,
gave your mouth a facelift, consume and taste it,

I also dont like your simple rhyme scheme... its close to being straight but not quite there yet

Example:

World is mine fuckin up a rebel war
Knocking on the devils door
Made the bitch talk with his pitch fork
Then let the metal roar
Golden im standing by holding like a samurai
Told him ill gauge his eye
Listen to the coward cry empowered try
Hammers fly, forced em to watch their nana die

Note: you did good on the rebel war and devils door part is good but what the hell rhymes with pitch fork. Also isteand of rhyming samurai and gauge his eye try something like samurai and damaged eye

Try something like

The world is mine im fuckin up a rebel war,
Next I end up knocking on the devils door,
I made him talk or I would let it soar,
hand off my hip and let the metal roar,
i hold my self by standing like a samari,
bullet to the face, more than a damaged eye,
he say dont try, im like damn just die,
hammer time, now just watch his nana cry,

Also I felt like you were trying on your word play but just not hard enough

Example:

Times getting on raps worse with lies
Person music becoming commercialized
Done running from alert full guys
Spraying like mace gonna hurt all eyes
Dwelling in the pit of despair
Smelling disgusting with shit in the air
Burnt like being hit wita flare
Learnt at the top don’t quit when your there

Note: I see the creatism there, it just needs a little more of a spark... it'd be straight if it was something like

over time, raps getting worse with lies,
while music continues to become commercialized,
Done running like i already worked the thighs
spreads like mace, see it and its hurt the eyes,
like Dwelling alone in the pit of bears,
with a smell like god took a shit in the air,
Burning like ur body has been lit with flares,
learn and the top, dont quit when your there

otherwise u have room to improve

TheRealProtege · 10-15-2009, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yung_blaze

Greatness , take this , shape spliffs
Make hits , blade pricks , played tricks
Made flicks , for a whole day tripped

wtf did this mean?

Ryder Bompton · 10-15-2009, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yung_blaze

hahahah wassup man that shit made me laugh brings back memories still remeber the day i done that

up for another collabo???

Iight homie sure we can do dat, Ima holla at u thru pms

Yung_blaze · 10-19-2009, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRealProtege

wtf did this mean?

just lil multi thing kinda had no meaning

and i am god thank you for such an in depth analysis of this is appreciated
but the thing where u go pwtf rhymes with pitch fork it was just an internal rhyme with bitch talk

will take what u have told me into consideration wish there wa smore people like you

10-03-2009, 08:51 AM	#1
Yung_blaze Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: LONDON Posts: 5,067 Repped: 1,197 Repped 146 Times in 63 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 4 Posts	here we go again here we go again Living in a dark society, ready to embark with rivalry Barking silently Starting violently, feel the heart beat inside of me Times getting on raps worse with lies Person music becoming commercialized Done running from alert full guys Spraying like mace gonna hurt all eyes Dwelling in the pit of despair Smelling disgusting with shit in the air Burnt like being hit wita flare Learnt at the top don’t quit when your there Fear nothing in shadows try stealth Cut of an arm to strangle myself Mi-staked at start nite walkers jump out at ya Raked in the heart then sucked the blood outta Dracula Avenaged of my aquatints es, who don’t know what patients is Pedophiles raping kids, this is real life I wish I was faking it World is mine fuckin up a rebel war Knocking on the devils door Made the bitch talk with his pitch fork Then let the metal roar Golden im standing by holding like a samurai Told him ill gauge his eye Listen to the coward cry empowered try Hammers fly, forced em to watch their nana die Fixated fully , next hated bully Make u dumb out and push on a pully Greatness , take this , shape spliffs Make hits , blade pricks , played tricks Made flicks , for a whole day tripped Gave the moon a face lift Consume and taste it Assume your wasted, ina room cremated, Crazy goon acquainted Hard of the top like a stiff paint lid Let you faint quick , not worthy of tissue cos you aint shit Looking over horizons, token control of fires Industries enrolling liars Its an emergency, ive learn to free Burns to pee 3rd degree Dare any mother fucker to murder me Fuckin delayed train replayed pain Sit and blade brain vibez the winner of the played game __________________ Play with the best die like the rest G_UNIT_THUG: Props 50, you da real fif?

10-03-2009, 08:55 AM	#2
Yung_blaze Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: LONDON Posts: 5,067 Repped: 1,197 Repped 146 Times in 63 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 4 Posts	tell me where i can improve and please tell me your favourite bars!!! __________________ Play with the best die like the rest G_UNIT_THUG: Props 50, you da real fif?

10-10-2009, 11:04 AM	#3
Yung_blaze Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: LONDON Posts: 5,067 Repped: 1,197 Repped 146 Times in 63 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 4 Posts	bump........................... __________________ Play with the best die like the rest G_UNIT_THUG: Props 50, you da real fif?

10-14-2009, 10:56 AM	#4
Ryder Bompton Veteran Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Bed-Stuy, NEW YORK NEW YORK Posts: 1,355 Repped: 208 Repped 73 Times in 35 Posts Neg Reps: 145 Neg Repped at 87 Times in 56 Posts	its tight lil nigga you improved..... and guess wat u homeboy still got your old verse: ~YUNG BLAZE~ yea its a callaboration from east compton pirus got the bitches riches fame G UNIT want to hire us drink smoke get high all day thats the ECP gansta way these rhyms are so complex this is Pac best hidden context homie send me a text to tell me whos head i gotta take next ill punch you vigorously in the teeth go bring on the beef but when my nine draws u drop like falling leaf YUNG BLAZE is evry fuckin crews missing ingredient Got the guns and swords u really think im obedient East compton pirus you no we the best got the bitches wiv big titeis on the chest keep the gat on my left side crew reppin west side at the night u gettign washed like the everning tide BACK FROM 2006 NIGGA!!!!! __________________

10-14-2009, 07:03 PM	#5
Yung_blaze Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: LONDON Posts: 5,067 Repped: 1,197 Repped 146 Times in 63 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 4 Posts	hahahah wassup man that shit made me laugh brings back memories still remeber the day i done that up for another collabo??? __________________ Play with the best die like the rest G_UNIT_THUG: Props 50, you da real fif?

10-14-2009, 08:15 PM	#6
I am God Jesus Walks Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: from California to Florida to New York Posts: 1,699 Repped: 257 Repped 1,126 Times in 499 Posts Neg Reps: 41 Neg Repped at 19 Times in 13 Posts	It was alright but you have many flaws i think you should work on. Sometimes I think you said random shit just to have something to rhyme with Example: Greatness , take this , shape spliffs Make hits , blade pricks , played tricks Made flicks , for a whole day tripped Gave the moon a face lift Consume and taste its Note: the idea of the rhyme scheme is good. It'd work if it was Made this, Greatness, Hate This, take this, made hits, played tricks, killed with blade pricks Made flicks, and for a whole day spit, gave your mouth a facelift, consume and taste it, I also dont like your simple rhyme scheme... its close to being straight but not quite there yet Example: World is mine fuckin up a rebel war Knocking on the devils door Made the bitch talk with his pitch fork Then let the metal roar Golden im standing by holding like a samurai Told him ill gauge his eye Listen to the coward cry empowered try Hammers fly, forced em to watch their nana die Note: you did good on the rebel war and devils door part is good but what the hell rhymes with pitch fork. Also isteand of rhyming samurai and gauge his eye try something like samurai and damaged eye Try something like The world is mine im fuckin up a rebel war, Next I end up knocking on the devils door, I made him talk or I would let it soar, hand off my hip and let the metal roar, i hold my self by standing like a samari, bullet to the face, more than a damaged eye, he say dont try, im like damn just die, hammer time, now just watch his nana cry, Also I felt like you were trying on your word play but just not hard enough Example: Times getting on raps worse with lies Person music becoming commercialized Done running from alert full guys Spraying like mace gonna hurt all eyes Dwelling in the pit of despair Smelling disgusting with shit in the air Burnt like being hit wita flare Learnt at the top don’t quit when your there Note: I see the creatism there, it just needs a little more of a spark... it'd be straight if it was something like over time, raps getting worse with lies, while music continues to become commercialized, Done running like i already worked the thighs spreads like mace, see it and its hurt the eyes, like Dwelling alone in the pit of bears, with a smell like god took a shit in the air, Burning like ur body has been lit with flares, learn and the top, dont quit when your there otherwise u have room to improve __________________ ^^^^ Throwback Last edited by I am God; 10-14-2009 at 08:18 PM.

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