Im Just Messing Around With This.........

Bunny_Rabbit · 06-14-2009, 05:01 AM

Drop some fuckin feed, playas......

The zaniest bastard who's an instataneous rapper//
with miscellaneous factors that'll leave your cranium shattered//
barge in your crib and put a gun in your chicks mouth//
you're so gay, I bet when your rappin' you spit dicks out//
lookin' for emcees to leave deceased in the evenin'//
believin' my sixteens were too mean for the weak and the squeamish//
you could never think to speak with the cleanest demon in the streets//
leakin' speechs so relievin' of cleanliness, you'd think of Jesus in the beat//
Im notable with quotables stuck in my spirit//
you'll have to be a 'pornographic rapper' just to 'fuck with my lyrics'//
just messin' around cuz Im so cool with the rhymes//
I might look like a human but Im a wolf in disguise//
my lyrics are incredible, you're a homosexual//
with more cum in your stomach then a grown man's testicle//
got a girl pregnant with my firm touch//
the baby came out of her mouth so you can tell where my sperm was//

Threyev · 06-14-2009, 04:12 PM

hmmm.... this had some good moments here and there, but i had a few problems with it.

first of all, you're kinda using the same style as usual, which is you using a bunch of words that rhyme but make a weak sentence when you put them together.

second, you have good ideas for punches but a lot of times you don't set them up well and they come out pretty wack.

lastly, this all feels fairly one-dimensional. the punches were hard enough to make this great, and since it's only text, this came out weak. push your limits a bit, try to see how far you can go.

still, good effort, and better than a LOT of what's being dropped right now. stay up, keep at it.

Bunny_Rabbit · 06-14-2009, 05:04 PM

Props, Threyev. Like I said, I wasn't really being too lyrical with this, but thanks for the criticism.

06-14-2009, 05:01 AM	#1
Bunny_Rabbit Rorshak Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The Tangent Universe Posts: 855 Repped: 42 Repped 106 Times in 45 Posts Neg Reps: 49 Neg Repped at 44 Times in 42 Posts	Im Just Messing Around With This......... Im Just Messing Around With This......... Drop some fuckin feed, playas...... The zaniest bastard who's an instataneous rapper// with miscellaneous factors that'll leave your cranium shattered// barge in your crib and put a gun in your chicks mouth// you're so gay, I bet when your rappin' you spit dicks out// lookin' for emcees to leave deceased in the evenin'// believin' my sixteens were too mean for the weak and the squeamish// you could never think to speak with the cleanest demon in the streets// leakin' speechs so relievin' of cleanliness, you'd think of Jesus in the beat// Im notable with quotables stuck in my spirit// you'll have to be a 'pornographic rapper' just to 'fuck with my lyrics'// just messin' around cuz Im so cool with the rhymes// I might look like a human but Im a wolf in disguise// my lyrics are incredible, you're a homosexual// with more cum in your stomach then a grown man's testicle// got a girl pregnant with my firm touch// the baby came out of her mouth so you can tell where my sperm was// __________________

06-14-2009, 05:04 PM	#3
Bunny_Rabbit Rorshak Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The Tangent Universe Posts: 855 Repped: 42 Repped 106 Times in 45 Posts Neg Reps: 49 Neg Repped at 44 Times in 42 Posts	Props, Threyev. Like I said, I wasn't really being too lyrical with this, but thanks for the criticism. __________________

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06-14-2009, 04:12 PM	#2
Threyev Join Date: May 2006 Location: The Bronx Posts: 553 Repped: 82 Repped 46 Times in 29 Posts Neg Reps: 3 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 5 Posts	hmmm.... this had some good moments here and there, but i had a few problems with it. first of all, you're kinda using the same style as usual, which is you using a bunch of words that rhyme but make a weak sentence when you put them together. second, you have good ideas for punches but a lot of times you don't set them up well and they come out pretty wack. lastly, this all feels fairly one-dimensional. the punches were hard enough to make this great, and since it's only text, this came out weak. push your limits a bit, try to see how far you can go. still, good effort, and better than a LOT of what's being dropped right now. stay up, keep at it.