heartints

I'm just going to post a couple verses of mine, this is my first post in the open mic forum and I just want to get a feeling for my abilities from others. Any advice/criticism or insight would be greatly appreciated. This isn't one cohesive song, just a couple of verses. Thanks.

Questionin about what goes into the flow
That’s like asking nino where he got his doe
Comparing rap to slinging yay, that’s so cliche
So I talk on what I really know, how about ebay
Cuz I always got 1500 bids going down at once
And my feedback rating is like A plus plus plus
But this more than technology, breaks down to biology
My DNA designed to spit hot lines that come to mind
The deepest confines of my mind ruled by a steady rhyme
Anytime I wanna unwind, I just blow up like a land mine
So much **** is repeat, same corny sample and drumbeat
Even with a disorder, my speak still come with unique heat
On the border of being elite or just another piece of meat
Like Nas said, It’s not what you do but how it’s done
And by the time I’m done, everyday still rise like the sun
Only weigh a buck thirty but super-lyrical like Big Pun
This ain’t Buck or Fifty, always come one above Stunt 101

The best writers say speak what you know
So when i say i move weight, not talking about blow
Move the weight off my shoulders and put it into flow
At last i'm like atlas, and the whole world just my hoe
**** ****ed up, I'm blastin cannons like mariah carey
Steady flip birds like magic hooping up larry
Got that blue magic like frank lucas moving work
On a track to stardom, command like captain kirk
Got your girl down under like if she was in australia
Make her catch it, turn any broad into Yogi Berra
All up on her chest like the image of Che Guevara
Getting head, she on my dome like new era
So so def, good morning and welcome to atlanta
Respected by all, I keep more juice than tropicana
technique revolutionary, I coulda been a black panther
Not to say I'm animal, cuz i consume human, true cannibal
Not new to rapping in fact I wrote the manual
I'm a ****ing beast, staying hard like enamel
And someday I'll be on your local tv channel
My definition is high like a sony widescreen panel
I'm walking on the sky, similar to Mark Hamill
Tryin reach nirvana before god blowout my candle
Back to In Utero, a Newman like first name Randall

I got peanuts like jimmy carter and washington carver
Bust a nut, better hope I don't have a baby daughter
Cuz at age 17 i ain't out to be a father
although I'm always spitting like baby slobber
Running up holes like Marion Barber
And i'll cut ya like a subpar barber
Nothing lil about my wayne but on some Dwayne Carter
And if Nas was right in 06, then consider me the martyr
I'm ruling from my throne, the new King Arthur
If I wasn't rapping i'd probably be a Author
You caught up in my tales like nerds and Harry Potter
Some say live for tomorrow, but I say why bother
Another sheep to the slaughter and I'm Chupacabra
Making hits as if I were some kind of Italian mobster
Lose my cool and get cooked like a lobster
World is my oyster and I'm the godfather
Iso defense, take you mano y mano
Every shot in like 31 playin for Indiana
Getting gold like a 49er, I'm Joe Montana
I dictate, puffin cubans with Fidel in Havana
Remember me as a saint like playing for Louisiana
Everyday bring home bread and all you got is Manna

I'm not even really that paid
but for 17 i got it made
play my cards right, call a spade a spade
and truthfully im ballin like d wade
not human, i sweat blue like gatorade
fuck with me get murked like jay on renegade
play the game and don't disrepect legends
feeling blue, and i'll exile you to the heavens
i was on relax but now im on relpase
got me fucked up on some panic attacks
they took my ashtray away like i was devin
if ganja is the devil, then i dont wanna go to heavan
i love the buddah, go ahead take shots like zapruder
in the end all i got is my mind, this mic, and the future
and if its looking bleak, ill just change the technique
doubted cuz i'm whiter than james van der beek
shit did he just refrence dawson's creek?

I eliminate enemies like piss leaving my kidneys
Exhale, letting off more smoke than chimneys
And I’m on the cut like band-aids on skinned knees
So I evolve my style like sapiens from chimpanzees
My fumes are above baboon, blow like monsoons
Spark it up like four days after the month of june
Ride high like extraterrestrials biking over blue moons
Till I die, cuz my head-stoned like graveyard tombs
And I just live it, everything else is a cartoon
More doh’ than homer, no joke like bart do
Keep my money excellent like monty burns
It's not even funny, stay sirius like howard stern