deep into space: various mind states

-K.P- · 07-19-2007, 12:07 PM

i'm dancing with death in the arena of flames, where athena dictates
feeling the shame, but its the ultimate duet...for a heathen deranged
feel jailed in my ribcage....tryna carve my belly open, already hopin'
feelin like the best on a track since jesse owens...wit the gift of heavy flowin'
to be more specific, my brain waves go deeper than pacific, its horrific
but through the trial and tribulations i stay prolific wit the physics through lyrics
...split the weather vain, feel the blood red sun's raise accelerate,
it never waits, make it penetrate........and no-one could tesselate
...they said its "eye for an eye"...now the whole ghetto's blind
and seeing from hind i'll carve my name in your cheek,
...........anti wrinkle cream couldn't prevent those 'lines'
[see]
i'm in the streets one deep surrounded by jokers n rats, hoping to rap
but it seems impossible to "tie up a deal" with "no strings attatched"
i'm from a place where no-one tryna be friendly, you could die in a frenzy
man'll leave bullets "in the back of your mind" like childhood memories
spent my life being wound up, now my body clock's disorted
my family's torn apart by attacks/a tax..so my future plans are thwarted
this life "dealt me a bad hand"...so no high 5's for me
no thumbs up or nun chucks, but the world's in my palm and it relies on me
i'm trapped in a pessimist mind state..

killa_cam · 07-19-2007, 01:14 PM

ths was really good.

one of the better frees ive read on here in a while.

the vocab was good, and you had a really great use of metaphors and wordplay.

i'm dancing with death in the arena of flames, where athena dictates
feeiling the shame, but its the ultimate duet...for a heathen deranged

^sick intro.....this is what made me want to read on...

to be more specific, my brain waves go deeper than pacific, its horrific
but through the trial and tribulations i stay prolific wit the physics through lyrics

this was nice too. good meta, good multies.

...split the weather vain, feel the blood red sun's raise accelerate,
it never waits, make it penetrate........and no-one could tesselate

^another good metaphor, and good vocabulary.

i'm in the streets one deep surrounded by jokers n rats, hoping to rap
but it seems impossible to "tie up a deal" with "no strings attatched"
i'm from a place where no-one tryna be friendly, you could die in a frenzy
man'll leave bullets "in the back of your mind" like childhood memories
spent my life being wound up, now my body clock's disorted
my family's torn apart by attacks/a tax..so my future plans are thwarted
this life "dealt me a bad hand"...so no high 5's for me
no thumbs up or nun chucks, but the world's in my palm and it relies on me
i'm trapped in a pessimist mind state..

^the ending here was great too....a couple really creative punchlines, and some nice wordplay as well in there.

sick closer.

as i said before, this is one of the best freestyles ive read on here in a while, because you made a deep , creative piece with metaphors, and you were able to fit in punchlines and wordplay.

it seems like this forum may have hope after all.

....DeMoNiK.... · 07-19-2007, 01:54 PM

I seen this a while back on AIM

I agree/co-sign with killa cam
the metaphors were good and so was the wordplay etc.

I know he said it first but i gave you all the feed on aim and don't want it
to come out 'recycled'

props

-K.P- · 07-19-2007, 02:11 PM

massive thanks to cam for that feed.
Demonik..i remeber showing you 1 or 2 of these bars and they've probably changed since i showed you them...thanks anyway.

LaWN NAiL · 07-19-2007, 02:20 PM

the flow is very good...and imo this was well worded...even tho da attacks/a tax is played like an accordian....the vivid lyrics made up for it...

'split the weather vain, feel the blood red sun's raise accelerate'

dat shit was ill to me....

B Dope · 07-19-2007, 04:37 PM

This shit was nice as hell...good vocabulary use...i'd never come up with those words *blushes* good use of metas..seen numerous ones then ya turned them into punches...great multies..helped out ya flow a shit load..it was creative too...not to many here do that

Rebel INS {CF} · 07-19-2007, 07:21 PM

feelin like the best on a track since jesse owens

to be more specific, my brain waves go deeper than pacific, its horrific
but through the trial and tribulations i stay prolific wit the physics through lyrics

this life "dealt me a bad hand"...so no high 5's for me

^ the highlights for me, over all man very good, very impressive, ill flow and mutlies and some really creative lines

good example of some one that can actually still text on this board

*laughs at most the wack fucks text freeing nowadays*

-K.P- · 07-20-2007, 07:48 AM

thanks to all 3 for feedback, keep it coming please.

PBMaSteRMiNdiN · 07-20-2007, 10:25 AM

This Was Sick....I aint Gonna Lie Or Hate.....9/10

-K.P- · 07-23-2007, 07:05 AM

thanks...uppin

ant. . . · 07-23-2007, 05:48 PM

i gotta say this was a really good freestyle
i enjoyed ever piece of it i liked the opener

i'm dancing with death in the arena of flames, where athena dictates
feeling the shame, but its the ultimate duet...for a heathen deranged

for some reason the first line was great
was feelin the whole thing
stay up

LethalIsILL · 07-23-2007, 05:54 PM

this is a good drop flows real good multies connected well so did the vocab most of the wordplay was nice
only one that didn’t go well was the attacks/a tax one.. stay up

-K.P- · 07-24-2007, 06:04 AM

gd loooooooks

07-19-2007, 12:07 PM	#1
-K.P- Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,515 Repped: 142 Repped 119 Times in 47 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	deep into space: various mind states deep into space: various mind states i'm dancing with death in the arena of flames, where athena dictates feeling the shame, but its the ultimate duet...for a heathen deranged feel jailed in my ribcage....tryna carve my belly open, already hopin' feelin like the best on a track since jesse owens...wit the gift of heavy flowin' to be more specific, my brain waves go deeper than pacific, its horrific but through the trial and tribulations i stay prolific wit the physics through lyrics ...split the weather vain, feel the blood red sun's raise accelerate, it never waits, make it penetrate........and no-one could tesselate ...they said its "eye for an eye"...now the whole ghetto's blind and seeing from hind i'll carve my name in your cheek, ...........anti wrinkle cream couldn't prevent those 'lines' [see] i'm in the streets one deep surrounded by jokers n rats, hoping to rap but it seems impossible to "tie up a deal" with "no strings attatched" i'm from a place where no-one tryna be friendly, you could die in a frenzy man'll leave bullets "in the back of your mind" like childhood memories spent my life being wound up, now my body clock's disorted my family's torn apart by attacks/a tax..so my future plans are thwarted this life "dealt me a bad hand"...so no high 5's for me no thumbs up or nun chucks, but the world's in my palm and it relies on me i'm trapped in a pessimist mind state..

07-19-2007, 01:14 PM	#2
killa_cam Veteran Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 2,890 Repped: 39 Repped 8 Times in 4 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	ths was really good. one of the better frees ive read on here in a while. the vocab was good, and you had a really great use of metaphors and wordplay. i'm dancing with death in the arena of flames, where athena dictates feeiling the shame, but its the ultimate duet...for a heathen deranged ^sick intro.....this is what made me want to read on... to be more specific, my brain waves go deeper than pacific, its horrific but through the trial and tribulations i stay prolific wit the physics through lyrics this was nice too. good meta, good multies. ...split the weather vain, feel the blood red sun's raise accelerate, it never waits, make it penetrate........and no-one could tesselate ^another good metaphor, and good vocabulary. i'm in the streets one deep surrounded by jokers n rats, hoping to rap but it seems impossible to "tie up a deal" with "no strings attatched" i'm from a place where no-one tryna be friendly, you could die in a frenzy man'll leave bullets "in the back of your mind" like childhood memories spent my life being wound up, now my body clock's disorted my family's torn apart by attacks/a tax..so my future plans are thwarted this life "dealt me a bad hand"...so no high 5's for me no thumbs up or nun chucks, but the world's in my palm and it relies on me i'm trapped in a pessimist mind state.. ^the ending here was great too....a couple really creative punchlines, and some nice wordplay as well in there. sick closer. as i said before, this is one of the best freestyles ive read on here in a while, because you made a deep , creative piece with metaphors, and you were able to fit in punchlines and wordplay. it seems like this forum may have hope after all. __________________ ghost Free Meta!

07-19-2007, 07:21 PM	#7
Rebel INS {CF} - iLLuminati ~ Rapsody - Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ireland Posts: 11,522 Repped: 151 Repped 690 Times in 321 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 99 Times in 84 Posts	feelin like the best on a track since jesse owens to be more specific, my brain waves go deeper than pacific, its horrific but through the trial and tribulations i stay prolific wit the physics through lyrics this life "dealt me a bad hand"...so no high 5's for me ^ the highlights for me, over all man very good, very impressive, ill flow and mutlies and some really creative lines good example of some one that can actually still text on this board laughs at most the wack fucks text freeing nowadays __________________ "Fighting Ignorance every day is gettin weary" [name pending] --- The Gateway Drug --- Sometime Soon --- myspace.com/namepending08

07-20-2007, 10:25 AM	#9
PBMaSteRMiNdiN myspace.com/ObeythePen Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: In ThA NotePaD Posts: 5,126 Repped: 90 Repped 374 Times in 197 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 52 Times in 38 Posts	This Was Sick....I aint Gonna Lie Or Hate.....9/10 __________________ "I'm having Murderous dreams cus I smoke like a Metric Ton, I Raise my L's in the Air like the Devil's Son." R.I.P. Big L & Vito

07-23-2007, 05:48 PM	#11
ant. . . Veteran Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: California Posts: 1,750 Repped: 3 Repped 64 Times in 41 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	i gotta say this was a really good freestyle i enjoyed ever piece of it i liked the opener i'm dancing with death in the arena of flames, where athena dictates feeling the shame, but its the ultimate duet...for a heathen deranged for some reason the first line was great was feelin the whole thing stay up __________________

07-19-2007, 01:54 PM	#3
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	I seen this a while back on AIM I agree/co-sign with killa cam the metaphors were good and so was the wordplay etc. I know he said it first but i gave you all the feed on aim and don't want it to come out 'recycled' props

07-19-2007, 02:11 PM	#4
-K.P- Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,515 Repped: 142 Repped 119 Times in 47 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	massive thanks to cam for that feed. Demonik..i remeber showing you 1 or 2 of these bars and they've probably changed since i showed you them...thanks anyway.

07-19-2007, 02:20 PM	#5
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	the flow is very good...and imo this was well worded...even tho da attacks/a tax is played like an accordian....the vivid lyrics made up for it... 'split the weather vain, feel the blood red sun's raise accelerate' dat shit was ill to me....

07-19-2007, 04:37 PM	#6
B Dope Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,051 Repped: 638 Repped 375 Times in 112 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	This shit was nice as hell...good vocabulary use...i'd never come up with those words blushes good use of metas..seen numerous ones then ya turned them into punches...great multies..helped out ya flow a shit load..it was creative too...not to many here do that

07-20-2007, 07:48 AM	#8
-K.P- Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,515 Repped: 142 Repped 119 Times in 47 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	thanks to all 3 for feedback, keep it coming please.

07-23-2007, 07:05 AM	#10
-K.P- Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,515 Repped: 142 Repped 119 Times in 47 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	thanks...uppin

07-23-2007, 05:54 PM	#12
LethalIsILL Go play somewhere im busy Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in the air i dont hear niggas corny raps Posts: 6,992 Repped: 152 Repped 1,119 Times in 243 Posts Neg Reps: 39 Neg Repped at 88 Times in 63 Posts	this is a good drop flows real good multies connected well so did the vocab most of the wordplay was nice only one that didn’t go well was the attacks/a tax one.. stay up __________________ [12:55AM] sbrecords: ziz is there an ignore button for a member in the chatbox? [12:56AM] Mixtape Assassin: if there wuz one i wouldnt even have read your message just now lol

07-24-2007, 06:04 AM	#13
-K.P- Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,515 Repped: 142 Repped 119 Times in 47 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	gd loooooooks

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