Oh How The Tables Been Turned...

LaWN NAiL · 07-05-2007, 11:01 PM

In This Scene Of Dreams..Its Just Full Of Plot Thirsters..
Restless On The Mean Streets Full Of Block Lurkers..
Lies A Man
That Can Stand At The Bottom Like A Tip Of A Bolster..
With An Ego Thats As Thin As Da Clip Of His Holster..
Though His Head Lays..There Is No Chip On His Shoulder..
He Was Stalked Every Night On Da Block By His Yard..
And One Night..He Was Caught Near His Spot By Da Bar..
Strapped-Less..He Tried His All To Brawl..
But His Tactics Were Just All Too Small..
So As Da Fight Went On......He Started To Shuffle..
But During Da Scuffle......He Found His Luck Just To Run..
But When He Turned His Back.....He Met Da Butt Of A Gun..
6' Feet..And Witta Long Reach..He Fell To Da Concrete..
A Gang Of Blood Was Crowdin' His Mouth..
His Body Was There..But His Mind Was Out And About..
Two Men Dragged His Body Towards A Mercedes Benz SLR..
And Wen He Got In Da Car.......He Had An Option Of..
Answering Questions Correct Or Take A Shot In The Dark..
Not Dealin' Witta Full Deck..He Finally Popped In Sum Cards..
And The Talking Started To Go On..
{Kidnapper} I Dunno Why Yu Figurin' Out Dan's Murder Still..
Thats Just Startin' Beef Up In Hamburger Hill..
{The Man} Because It's Ma Job..
And Theres Family Dat Wanna Know Why Their Cousin Got Popped..
{Kidnapper} Dats Bullshit And It Shows No Certain Logic..
Yu Knew Wat Yu Done And It Could Make A Surgeon Vomit..
Dan's Just One More Skeleton In Ya Closet..
{The Man} Hold Da Fuck Up..Who Said I Was In It!?
{Kidnapper} I Asked Around For A Minute...
And Da Person Dat Seen Yu Was Dan's Tenant
{The Man} Hes A Fuckin' Liar...I Was At Da Bar!!
{Kidnapper} Really..Den Wtf Were Yu Doing With Dan's Mastercard?..
{The Man} {Speechless}.....How Da Fuck Did Yu Find It!?
{Kidnapper} During Da Fight..
I Grabbed It Out Da Side Of Ya Jacket..
Now What Yu Gotta Say For Yourself Now?
Ain't Nobody Comin' For Your Help Pal...
{The Man} {Laughs} This Is My Show And All Ya Gonna Do Is Watch..
Fuckin Faggot..........Yu Ain't Brave Enuff Ta Shoot A Cop!!
{Kidnapper} {Cocks Pistol To The Man's Head}
Yu know..Were Lucky Dat God Gives Us Da Time Of Day..
To Make Up For Our Grimmest Ways......
....................................But Once Taken Advantage Of..
Yu Just Realize..............That A Life's A Waste...............

*Bang*

B Dope · 07-06-2007, 12:11 AM

nice story kid...very descriptive.....i wanna see it on audio soon...get your ass to work

~Menace~ · 07-06-2007, 01:02 AM

this was good, i enjoyed it thought it was short for the kind of topic u used...some words were pieced oddly IMO, like "Plot Thirsters", i understood wat u were saying but it just didnt sound right...the flow kinda went off when the man and the kidnapper were talking, it was on-point tha rest of the time tho...so the next u do a topic like this, make it longer u fugly nigga

LaWN NAiL · 07-06-2007, 02:14 AM

Word...Yu Still Mugly

.....Lazy-eyed Ass Baby

~Menace~ · 07-06-2007, 02:40 AM

nigga this pics pulls hundreds of girls...show ya sis...she'll get wet instantly

LaWN NAiL · 07-06-2007, 03:00 AM

LaWN NAiL · 07-06-2007, 05:04 AM

uppin.......

LaWN NAiL · 07-06-2007, 05:43 AM

kick push, kick push

LaWN NAiL · 07-06-2007, 05:45 PM

kick push, kick push, cooooaaasssttt

LaWN NAiL · 07-06-2007, 06:51 PM

"yall ain't nuttin like a limp dick"

LaWN NAiL · 07-07-2007, 04:55 AM

cheeeeeaaaaaaaa

LaWN NAiL · 07-07-2007, 07:23 PM

upppppin......

Lyrical Messiah · 07-07-2007, 08:09 PM

I Like The Story, The Flow Was Cool Off And On, Multies And Shit Were On Point I Actually Like The Wording Like Baller Said Cant Wait To See This On Audio

8/10 Can You Feed Soul Searching If You Get A Chance

Viagra Stay Up

LaWN NAiL · 07-08-2007, 02:27 AM

Big Dildo..Propz

....DeMoNiK.... · 07-08-2007, 02:38 AM

B Dope · 07-08-2007, 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ....DeMoNiK....

Very solid drop . .you came through with the metaphors

again !!! the flow was kinda off but on most of the time
punches were nice
multies were there . .

you did your thing . .keep it up Don

flow? who aint got flow? fuck u talkin about

....DeMoNiK.... · 07-08-2007, 03:03 AM

would you stfu . . 1

LaWN NAiL · 07-08-2007, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baller

flow? who aint got flow? fuck u talkin about

...word ballerina

LaWN NAiL · 07-08-2007, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ....DeMoNiK....

Very solid drop . .you came through with the metaphors

again !!! the flow was kinda off but on most of the time
punches were nice
multies were there . .

you did your thing . .keep it up Don

why does it sound like every feed yu give....its a recycle of everyone elses?

Komplex · 07-08-2007, 03:18 AM

Lies A Man
That Can Stand At The Bottom Like A Tip Of A Bolster..
With An Ego Thats As Thin As Da Clip Of His Holster..

A Gang Of Blood Was Crowdin' His Mouth..
His Body Was There..But His Mind Was Out And About..
Two Men Dragged His Body Towards A Mercedes Benz SLR..
And Wen He Got In Da Car.......He Had An Option Of..
Answering Questions Correct Or Take A Shot In The Dark..

this was a solid piece of work. great structure, the story was drawing.....in the style of cats like Common.

overall great stuff Hyphy.

....DeMoNiK.... · 07-08-2007, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -ThE~DoN~LoN-

why does it sound like every feed yu give....its a recycle of everyone elses?

YoungJ · 07-08-2007, 03:56 AM

not bad i was feelin this
hate how dudes dont leave feed round here anymore to

but fuck it, flow was good idk why dudes dont think so.. readin it wrong?
multies there, it was straight
8.5/10

LaWN NAiL · 07-08-2007, 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ....DeMoNiK....

what do you want it in depth what am i suppose to say

"wow classic drop . .

every line was the hottest on the board . .

storytelling that was WHOA

10/10"

if you dont want the feed and want more constructive feed
holla

edit:

i started a trend telling people what i like without giving ratings . .

nigga thats all yu do is recycle wat niggaz say......i would like more "mature" feed

..but comin from a 12 year old.....i can't expect much

Psyco401 · 07-08-2007, 04:04 AM

Nice i liked the way it flowed. wanna hear it on audio! 8/10

....DeMoNiK.... · 07-08-2007, 04:05 AM

07-05-2007, 11:01 PM	#1
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	Oh How The Tables Been Turned... Oh How The Tables Been Turned... In This Scene Of Dreams..Its Just Full Of Plot Thirsters.. Restless On The Mean Streets Full Of Block Lurkers.. Lies A Man That Can Stand At The Bottom Like A Tip Of A Bolster.. With An Ego Thats As Thin As Da Clip Of His Holster.. Though His Head Lays..There Is No Chip On His Shoulder.. He Was Stalked Every Night On Da Block By His Yard.. And One Night..He Was Caught Near His Spot By Da Bar.. Strapped-Less..He Tried His All To Brawl.. But His Tactics Were Just All Too Small.. So As Da Fight Went On......He Started To Shuffle.. But During Da Scuffle......He Found His Luck Just To Run.. But When He Turned His Back.....He Met Da Butt Of A Gun.. 6' Feet..And Witta Long Reach..He Fell To Da Concrete.. A Gang Of Blood Was Crowdin' His Mouth.. His Body Was There..But His Mind Was Out And About.. Two Men Dragged His Body Towards A Mercedes Benz SLR.. And Wen He Got In Da Car.......He Had An Option Of.. Answering Questions Correct Or Take A Shot In The Dark.. Not Dealin' Witta Full Deck..He Finally Popped In Sum Cards.. And The Talking Started To Go On.. {Kidnapper} I Dunno Why Yu Figurin' Out Dan's Murder Still.. Thats Just Startin' Beef Up In Hamburger Hill.. {The Man} Because It's Ma Job.. And Theres Family Dat Wanna Know Why Their Cousin Got Popped.. {Kidnapper} Dats Bullshit And It Shows No Certain Logic.. Yu Knew Wat Yu Done And It Could Make A Surgeon Vomit.. Dan's Just One More Skeleton In Ya Closet.. {The Man} Hold Da Fuck Up..Who Said I Was In It!? {Kidnapper} I Asked Around For A Minute... And Da Person Dat Seen Yu Was Dan's Tenant {The Man} Hes A Fuckin' Liar...I Was At Da Bar!! {Kidnapper} Really..Den Wtf Were Yu Doing With Dan's Mastercard?.. {The Man} {Speechless}.....How Da Fuck Did Yu Find It!? {Kidnapper} During Da Fight.. I Grabbed It Out Da Side Of Ya Jacket.. Now What Yu Gotta Say For Yourself Now? Ain't Nobody Comin' For Your Help Pal... {The Man} {Laughs} This Is My Show And All Ya Gonna Do Is Watch.. Fuckin Faggot..........Yu Ain't Brave Enuff Ta Shoot A Cop!! {Kidnapper} {Cocks Pistol To The Man's Head} Yu know..Were Lucky Dat God Gives Us Da Time Of Day.. To Make Up For Our Grimmest Ways...... ....................................But Once Taken Advantage Of.. Yu Just Realize..............That A Life's A Waste............... Bang

07-06-2007, 01:02 AM	#3
~Menace~ Lonnel- Virgin Join Date: May 2006 Location: AZ ho Posts: 1,753 Repped: 116 Repped 38 Times in 16 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	this was good, i enjoyed it thought it was short for the kind of topic u used...some words were pieced oddly IMO, like "Plot Thirsters", i understood wat u were saying but it just didnt sound right...the flow kinda went off when the man and the kidnapper were talking, it was on-point tha rest of the time tho...so the next u do a topic like this, make it longer u fugly nigga __________________ William Shaftner

07-06-2007, 02:40 AM	#5
~Menace~ Lonnel- Virgin Join Date: May 2006 Location: AZ ho Posts: 1,753 Repped: 116 Repped 38 Times in 16 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	nigga this pics pulls hundreds of girls...show ya sis...she'll get wet instantly __________________ William Shaftner

07-08-2007, 03:18 AM	#20
Komplex Poetic Swagger Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,164 Repped: 117 Repped 99 Times in 50 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 2 Times in 2 Posts	Lies A Man That Can Stand At The Bottom Like A Tip Of A Bolster.. With An Ego Thats As Thin As Da Clip Of His Holster.. A Gang Of Blood Was Crowdin' His Mouth.. His Body Was There..But His Mind Was Out And About.. Two Men Dragged His Body Towards A Mercedes Benz SLR.. And Wen He Got In Da Car.......He Had An Option Of.. Answering Questions Correct Or Take A Shot In The Dark.. this was a solid piece of work. great structure, the story was drawing.....in the style of cats like Common. overall great stuff Hyphy. __________________ "Set up to be a loser but was made to be a winner If they paint Hip Hop I bet my face be in the picture If they wrote a Rap Bible bet my name be in the scriptures If shorty say I'm her Idol, bet her face be in my zipper"-Joell Ortiz

07-08-2007, 04:04 AM	#24
Psyco401 401 Stand Up! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Cape Coral, Fla From Providence R.I. Posts: 514 Repped: 367 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Nice i liked the way it flowed. wanna hear it on audio! 8/10 __________________ 401 Born & Raised!

07-06-2007, 12:11 AM	#2
B Dope Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,051 Repped: 638 Repped 375 Times in 112 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	nice story kid...very descriptive.....i wanna see it on audio soon...get your ass to work

07-06-2007, 02:14 AM	#4
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	Word...Yu Still Mugly .....Lazy-eyed Ass Baby

07-06-2007, 03:00 AM	#6
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts

07-06-2007, 05:04 AM	#7
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	uppin.......

07-06-2007, 05:43 AM	#8
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	kick push, kick push

07-06-2007, 05:45 PM	#9
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	kick push, kick push, cooooaaasssttt

07-06-2007, 06:51 PM	#10
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	"yall ain't nuttin like a limp dick"

07-07-2007, 04:55 AM	#11
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	cheeeeeaaaaaaaa

07-07-2007, 07:23 PM	#12
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	upppppin......

07-07-2007, 08:09 PM	#13
Lyrical Messiah Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: NVH The Home of the Brave 3rd Wall 4 Life Posts: 1,776 Repped: 74 Repped 123 Times in 41 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 2 Times in 1 Post	I Like The Story, The Flow Was Cool Off And On, Multies And Shit Were On Point I Actually Like The Wording Like Baller Said Cant Wait To See This On Audio 8/10 Can You Feed Soul Searching If You Get A Chance Viagra Stay Up

07-08-2007, 02:27 AM	#14
LaWN NAiL Lonnel Join Date: May 2006 Location: chicago Posts: 3,199 Repped: 190 Repped 352 Times in 108 Posts Neg Reps: 16 Neg Repped at 85 Times in 33 Posts	Big Dildo..Propz

07-08-2007, 02:38 AM	#15
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts

07-08-2007, 03:03 AM	#17
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	would you stfu . . 1

07-08-2007, 03:56 AM	#22
YoungJ Young J Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Providence RI Posts: 3,003 Repped: 203 Repped 385 Times in 113 Posts Neg Reps: 5 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 4 Posts	not bad i was feelin this hate how dudes dont leave feed round here anymore to but fuck it, flow was good idk why dudes dont think so.. readin it wrong? multies there, it was straight 8.5/10

07-08-2007, 04:05 AM	#25
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts

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