Scratching Beneath The Surface.....

ReFleXiOn · 05-05-2007, 08:12 PM

The worlds spinnin' I've had it, my lifes gone intergalactic,
I'ma be "straight" with y'all, someone GET ME INTO A "JACKET."
Madness stirs my visions perliminary I've never had this blurr,
SCOTTY BEAM ME UP, this is a direct message from Captain Kirk.
I'm tired of confusion I'm teachin' staff they hired by the students,
This lessons short discression aboard as they admire my delusions.
Contemplate this message in a bottle, the thought, I reckon it's hollow,
Empty words on a script that tries to inflict force and ya tempted to follow?
It's a political fraud fuck what ya think you know lets deminish the odds,
Life is a gimmick from "God" I'ma solve it's riddle merely to finish "His" job.
Scratch beneath the surface discover reality and a heep that's worthless,
Careful how far you go for if you star to low you'll deplete the purpose.
Our end is to be incredibly similar to our beginning, to defeat the perfect...

1

♪Spoken Word♪ · 05-06-2007, 12:07 AM

damn yo... this some deep shit... i think me and u run shit for deepest and emotional verses posted... this shit... all i can really say is deep and i feel ya man... i give this shit an 8.5 - 9/10... easy... like i said... holla at me on AIM or PM's bout a collab... we'll drop a bomb on these bitches

k4mik4ze · 05-06-2007, 04:36 AM

hey your wording pretty good mayn.
your rhymesschemes kinda boring tho , throws off the flow.

"Contemplate this message in a bottle, the thought, I reckon it's hollow,
Empty words on a script that tries to inflict force and ya tempted to follow?"

^ ^ ^ that bar right there was nice , but cos of the rhymescheme the flow wasnt that good and it seemed stretched eventho it wasnt.

"It's a political fraud fuck what ya think you know lets deminish the odds,
Life is a gimmick from "God" I'ma solve it's riddle merely to finish "His" job."

the multi's in this one were good , u shoulda had the consistency of these kinda multi's all over the verse , then it woulda been really good.

the finisher was nice but i saw three lines rhymin , u shoulda kept 2 lines rhymin and switched the rhymes in between the bars.
just get some work on the rhymescheme , ur content was good.and yea get in more of them multi's to spice the verse up.
7.5/10
keep doin ya thang

ReFleXiOn · 05-06-2007, 04:40 AM

^damn, u expect a lot in a drop......I like that, lol...ur critigue shows intelligence, don't think i didn't note these things within my writing however...it's like the saying goes..."know the author before u critigue the novelist" - ReFleXiOn, lol...stay up playa...1

k4mik4ze · 05-06-2007, 04:47 AM

werd mayn , i love to get to details i mean i like detail in my drops and i give props to dudes on the detail in their drops.
1`

ReFleXiOn · 05-06-2007, 05:01 AM

^good looks on that, I like nice breakdowns like that...I didn't line for line urs but I'm sure if u ponder my critigue u'll understand which lines I refer to...I keep my responses much like my drops...simplisticly complex...1

k4mik4ze · 05-06-2007, 05:08 AM

yo no doubt , its like when peoples know wat they talkin bout they understand wat the other person is implyin and on the feed ya dropped i gotcha clear cut.
1`

ReFleXiOn · 05-07-2007, 11:54 PM

uppin' for more feedback

LethalIsILL · 05-12-2007, 10:34 AM

i enjoyed readin this had some good vocab nice multies
flowed very well throughout the drop topic waas interestin
7.5/10 stay up
leave feed on my drop

ReFleXiOn · 05-14-2007, 01:35 PM

damn, y'all had to please...atleast spoken was feeling this...thanx for the feed thus far...1

ReFleXiOn · 05-24-2007, 05:20 AM

uppin' for more feed...1

05-05-2007, 08:12 PM	#1
ReFleXiOn Blissful Poetry Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada, SK. Posts: 1,052 Repped: 0 Repped 26 Times in 21 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 2 Posts	Scratching Beneath The Surface..... Scratching Beneath The Surface..... The worlds spinnin' I've had it, my lifes gone intergalactic, I'ma be "straight" with y'all, someone GET ME INTO A "JACKET." Madness stirs my visions perliminary I've never had this blurr, SCOTTY BEAM ME UP, this is a direct message from Captain Kirk. I'm tired of confusion I'm teachin' staff they hired by the students, This lessons short discression aboard as they admire my delusions. Contemplate this message in a bottle, the thought, I reckon it's hollow, Empty words on a script that tries to inflict force and ya tempted to follow? It's a political fraud fuck what ya think you know lets deminish the odds, Life is a gimmick from "God" I'ma solve it's riddle merely to finish "His" job. Scratch beneath the surface discover reality and a heep that's worthless, Careful how far you go for if you star to low you'll deplete the purpose. Our end is to be incredibly similar to our beginning, to defeat the perfect... 1

05-12-2007, 10:34 AM	#9
LethalIsILL Go play somewhere im busy Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in the air i dont hear niggas corny raps Posts: 6,964 Repped: 138 Repped 1,010 Times in 217 Posts Neg Reps: 56 Neg Repped at 81 Times in 57 Posts	i enjoyed readin this had some good vocab nice multies flowed very well throughout the drop topic waas interestin 7.5/10 stay up leave feed on my drop __________________ [12:55AM] sbrecords: ziz is there an ignore button for a member in the chatbox? [12:56AM] Mixtape Assassin: if there wuz one i wouldnt even have read your message just now lol

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05-06-2007, 12:07 AM	#2
♪Spoken Word♪ Banned Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Lawrence, Mass. Posts: 1,293 Repped: 54 Repped 122 Times in 53 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	damn yo... this some deep shit... i think me and u run shit for deepest and emotional verses posted... this shit... all i can really say is deep and i feel ya man... i give this shit an 8.5 - 9/10... easy... like i said... holla at me on AIM or PM's bout a collab... we'll drop a bomb on these bitches

05-06-2007, 04:36 AM	#3
k4mik4ze kAmikAZE Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Quetta Posts: 20 Repped: 0 Repped 0 Times in 0 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	hey your wording pretty good mayn. your rhymesschemes kinda boring tho , throws off the flow. "Contemplate this message in a bottle, the thought, I reckon it's hollow, Empty words on a script that tries to inflict force and ya tempted to follow?" ^ ^ ^ that bar right there was nice , but cos of the rhymescheme the flow wasnt that good and it seemed stretched eventho it wasnt. "It's a political fraud fuck what ya think you know lets deminish the odds, Life is a gimmick from "God" I'ma solve it's riddle merely to finish "His" job." the multi's in this one were good , u shoulda had the consistency of these kinda multi's all over the verse , then it woulda been really good. the finisher was nice but i saw three lines rhymin , u shoulda kept 2 lines rhymin and switched the rhymes in between the bars. just get some work on the rhymescheme , ur content was good.and yea get in more of them multi's to spice the verse up. 7.5/10 keep doin ya thang

05-06-2007, 04:40 AM	#4
ReFleXiOn Blissful Poetry Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada, SK. Posts: 1,052 Repped: 0 Repped 26 Times in 21 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 2 Posts	^damn, u expect a lot in a drop......I like that, lol...ur critigue shows intelligence, don't think i didn't note these things within my writing however...it's like the saying goes..."know the author before u critigue the novelist" - ReFleXiOn, lol...stay up playa...1

05-06-2007, 04:47 AM	#5
k4mik4ze kAmikAZE Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Quetta Posts: 20 Repped: 0 Repped 0 Times in 0 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	werd mayn , i love to get to details i mean i like detail in my drops and i give props to dudes on the detail in their drops. 1`

05-06-2007, 05:01 AM	#6
ReFleXiOn Blissful Poetry Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada, SK. Posts: 1,052 Repped: 0 Repped 26 Times in 21 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 2 Posts	^good looks on that, I like nice breakdowns like that...I didn't line for line urs but I'm sure if u ponder my critigue u'll understand which lines I refer to...I keep my responses much like my drops...simplisticly complex...1

05-06-2007, 05:08 AM	#7
k4mik4ze kAmikAZE Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Quetta Posts: 20 Repped: 0 Repped 0 Times in 0 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	yo no doubt , its like when peoples know wat they talkin bout they understand wat the other person is implyin and on the feed ya dropped i gotcha clear cut. 1`

05-07-2007, 11:54 PM	#8
ReFleXiOn Blissful Poetry Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada, SK. Posts: 1,052 Repped: 0 Repped 26 Times in 21 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 2 Posts	uppin' for more feedback

05-14-2007, 01:35 PM	#10
ReFleXiOn Blissful Poetry Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada, SK. Posts: 1,052 Repped: 0 Repped 26 Times in 21 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 2 Posts	damn, y'all had to please...atleast spoken was feeling this...thanx for the feed thus far...1

05-24-2007, 05:20 AM	#11
ReFleXiOn Blissful Poetry Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada, SK. Posts: 1,052 Repped: 0 Repped 26 Times in 21 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 2 Posts	uppin' for more feed...1