first attempt at writing ever

Empire · 04-24-2007, 11:07 PM

you don't kno me and i don't either
reflection off the ice, will put you in a seizure
close and cease ya....existence
this instant, you in danger
you'll be found in the woods by a park ranger
code red, alert alert, fire all phasers
i'm on tht star wars shit
gettin high with darth vader
first lines i ever wrote
the e-thugs will get mad
and proceed to beat off to the bitch they neva had
i dont kno bars or hooks or any of that shit
im just startin to rhyme, and ill get better quick
so watch the fuck out, when i get experience under my belt
i'll treat you like cattle, take you to the slaughter house

tell me what you do and don't like

IronLungzz · 04-25-2007, 04:50 PM

you should rhyme like this

Got Ya Mouth Open? You Nothing But A Hater-Man
Against Me The Crowd Yells "Champ" Like A Gator-Fan

In stead of what you were doing

You never as good as me
And one day i took a pee

Rhyming more then one word is a good way to improve.

Empire · 04-25-2007, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IronLungzz

you should rhyme like this

Got Ya Mouth Open? You Nothing But A Hater-Man
Against Me The Crowd Yells "Champ" Like A Gator-Fan

In stead of what you were doing

You never as good as me
And one day i took a pee

Rhyming more then one word is a good way to improve.

i see ill try to improve on that

Witty Qwan · 04-25-2007, 07:02 PM

ya lines need to be stretched

MoneyMaka · 04-25-2007, 07:13 PM

yea u need some work

04-24-2007, 11:07 PM	#1
Empire Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 222 Repped: 11 Repped 18 Times in 9 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	first attempt at writing ever first attempt at writing ever you don't kno me and i don't either reflection off the ice, will put you in a seizure close and cease ya....existence this instant, you in danger you'll be found in the woods by a park ranger code red, alert alert, fire all phasers i'm on tht star wars shit gettin high with darth vader first lines i ever wrote the e-thugs will get mad and proceed to beat off to the bitch they neva had i dont kno bars or hooks or any of that shit im just startin to rhyme, and ill get better quick so watch the fuck out, when i get experience under my belt i'll treat you like cattle, take you to the slaughter house tell me what you do and don't like

04-25-2007, 04:50 PM	#2
IronLungzz Wins-5-Loss-1-KO-2- Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: GC Bitches!! Latest Head Killed:.Raveness-KO- Posts: 291 Repped: 0 Repped 6 Times in 4 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	you should rhyme like this Got Ya Mouth Open? You Nothing But A Hater-Man Against Me The Crowd Yells "Champ" Like A Gator-Fan In stead of what you were doing You never as good as me And one day i took a pee Rhyming more then one word is a good way to improve. __________________ ~NAMEPLAY KING~ Killed: ThaViiru5 Aka Utopian, Paranormal (HoShow), Flawlessrikan, Tha Solution

04-25-2007, 07:02 PM	#4
Witty Qwan # Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: My crib Posts: 3,052 Repped: 155 Repped 484 Times in 311 Posts Neg Reps: 21 Neg Repped at 82 Times in 75 Posts	ya lines need to be stretched __________________ [02:34PM] Lyrikcha FUCK THIS FAGGOT CHAMBERS NIGGA...IM A CUT HIS HEAD OFF AND PUT IT ON A STICK FOR MY NIGGA TIGER CAN DEFROST THE GAT AND SMOKE U

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

04-25-2007, 07:13 PM	#5
MoneyMaka Collectin CasH Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Philly Posts: 276 Repped: 26 Repped 3 Times in 2 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	yea u need some work