InkRed Pt:1 -Alias

....DeMoNiK.... · 03-18-2007, 03:52 PM

When I Be Into It.......Vividly Complex
Think Of Different Shit....Got Defenders Scared To pastlines of Scrimmages
Then With Swiftness...Slit The Adams Apple Of Innocent Witnesses..
Graphic Enough...That Infant Kids Grow With Hatred Of Rememberance..
Ya Lyrically Impotent....Audios Shooken Textcee Tooken In By The Deliverance..
Give Em A Mic They''ll Choke It....Destoryed Souls Of Lyricist
Slept On Cold Mornings....Crept Hot Indured Nights...
While Ya With No "Significant Source of Iron" Like Nestle Pure Life
Prosecutors can tell im "Sick" without present evidences..

ILL LEGAL & GUILTY CONSCIENCE

I Know Its Kinda Short...but illl add on to it later
and tell me what to elevate on im only 9

Edit: I'm Not 10 . . . Still Elevating . . I'll Do A Fix Up Of This And . . .Make It Longer In August

The Apoc Seris

HH4ll · 03-18-2007, 04:03 PM

lol @ i\'m only nine, 9 year olds with thoughts of cutting the throats of random people, even in a text, need therapy. . .

either that or you had a better vocab then i did . . . and your a fucking genius. . .or have a ghostwriter

this piece was decent, a little boring, decent use of vocabulary, some good concepts. . .make it longer and we\'ll be able to tell your strengths and weaknesses better. . .

....DeMoNiK.... · 03-18-2007, 04:07 PM

^

thanks you i appericiate your thoughts towards this
i will take any help..from anyone willing to help

....DeMoNiK.... · 03-18-2007, 04:10 PM

i guess im bumping for more feedback on this thread

~Menace~ · 03-18-2007, 05:14 PM

u need 2 work on ur actual rhyme scheme...ur vocab was purrdy good...there wasnt anything too exciting about this piece...but ya i agree wit cc, make it longer

....DeMoNiK.... · 03-18-2007, 05:18 PM

Thanks Menace..for the feedback.. anymore peeps

N. Streetz · 06-18-2007, 03:06 AM

Upping Concepts First Text

Pineapple · 06-18-2007, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Menace~

u need 2 work on ur actual rhyme scheme...ur vocab was purrdy good...there wasnt anything too exciting about this piece...but ya i agree wit cc, make it longer

co-sign.

....DeMoNiK.... · 06-19-2007, 11:53 PM

lmao at Mic upping something old . . . i got 2 drops coming . . one at the end of the month and another at the middle of july . . .

Haterz · 06-23-2007, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steel

lmao at Mic upping something old . . . i got 2 drops coming . . one at the end of the month and another at the middle of july . . .

they suppose to be legendary or something

u act like their albums

03-18-2007, 03:52 PM	#1
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	InkRed Pt:1 -Alias InkRed Pt:1 -Alias When I Be Into It.......Vividly Complex Think Of Different Shit....Got Defenders Scared To pastlines of Scrimmages Then With Swiftness...Slit The Adams Apple Of Innocent Witnesses.. Graphic Enough...That Infant Kids Grow With Hatred Of Rememberance.. Ya Lyrically Impotent....Audios Shooken Textcee Tooken In By The Deliverance.. Give Em A Mic They''ll Choke It....Destoryed Souls Of Lyricist Slept On Cold Mornings....Crept Hot Indured Nights... While Ya With No "Significant Source of Iron" Like Nestle Pure Life Prosecutors can tell im "Sick" without present evidences.. ILL LEGAL & GUILTY CONSCIENCE I Know Its Kinda Short...but illl add on to it later and tell me what to elevate on im only 9 Edit: I'm Not 10 . . . Still Elevating . . I'll Do A Fix Up Of This And . . .Make It Longer In August The Apoc Seris __________________ RASD

03-18-2007, 04:07 PM	#3
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	^ thanks you i appericiate your thoughts towards this i will take any help..from anyone willing to help __________________ RASD

03-18-2007, 04:10 PM	#4
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	i guess im bumping for more feedback on this thread __________________ RASD

03-18-2007, 05:18 PM	#6
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Thanks Menace..for the feedback.. anymore peeps __________________ RASD

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03-18-2007, 04:03 PM	#2
HH4ll Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 197 Repped: 9 Repped 36 Times in 14 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	lol @ i\'m only nine, 9 year olds with thoughts of cutting the throats of random people, even in a text, need therapy. . . either that or you had a better vocab then i did . . . and your a fucking genius. . .or have a ghostwriter this piece was decent, a little boring, decent use of vocabulary, some good concepts. . .make it longer and we\'ll be able to tell your strengths and weaknesses better. . .

03-18-2007, 05:14 PM	#5
~Menace~ Lonnel- Virgin Join Date: May 2006 Location: AZ ho Posts: 1,753 Repped: 116 Repped 38 Times in 16 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	u need 2 work on ur actual rhyme scheme...ur vocab was purrdy good...there wasnt anything too exciting about this piece...but ya i agree wit cc, make it longer

06-18-2007, 03:06 AM	#7
N. Streetz I Was Born Elite Join Date: May 2007 Location: In The Place Of Daydreams Posts: 704 Repped: 104 Repped 82 Times in 47 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Upping Concepts First Text

06-19-2007, 11:53 PM	#9
....DeMoNiK.... Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 944 Repped: 3 Repped 27 Times in 19 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	lmao at Mic upping something old . . . i got 2 drops coming . . one at the end of the month and another at the middle of july . . .