Gradual.. ..

JR-One · 02-09-2007, 04:29 AM

Penned by the greatest authors: empires fall after they reign and conquer..
Invade us, rape and slaughter our grateful daughters..
Our soldiers, accepting gracious offers to chart abrasive waters..
Sent like Alaskan hunters, to kill humans like endangered otters..
A pawn in the chess game; a kid marchin' in a parade of monsters..
They say "you'd be insane to stop us", they're deranged and pompous..
Yet still they remain in power and stay in office..
As a plague of revolts strike while they unconscious..
Hold faith while remaining godless, they may pain and mock us..
But in this world of the lies, they've slain the honest..
Killed the good hard workers of this hood yard circus..
The soldiers of nothing wondering if they've served our purpose..
Trying destroy faith, but they've only burned our churches..
The bravest we had suddenly turned out nervous..
Divisions of sin simply merge to irk us, as the beserk unearth us..
Portray us as evil, as our inequities learn to surface..
We attempted a movement of powers but now are proven as cowards..
Us realizing their views are as stupid as ours..
At the most suitable hour they soon regroup and devour..
Now, survivors doomed to just cower..
Pinned to this cross, ironically evolution prevailed..
Living is easy with eyes closed, our revolution has failed..

I Tried Something Different.. .. Don't Complain About The Multies, They All Follow The Same Vowel Scheme.. .. Lines 1-10 All Follow Rhymes Involving Short 'A' And Long 'A' Vowel Sounds.. .. That's As Far As I'll Explain It.. ..

If You Didn't Get The Story, It's About A Revolution In An Unnamed Country.. ..

Leave Feed.. ..

!{THR!LLZ}! · 02-09-2007, 04:50 AM

Yuh U Right .. Very Diff .. I Understood Da Rhyme Scheme & Story Line Tho ..otter Line Was A Lil Weird ... No Hard Hittin Punches Buh They Weren't As Necessicary In This Type A Free ... Overall It Came Out On Point ... Nuttin To Complain Bout ... Topical ...

MiSs CaSsiDy · 02-09-2007, 10:20 AM

A pawn in the chess game; a kid marchin' in a parade of monsters..
They say "you'd be insane to stop us", they're deranged and pompous..

i like how u describing everything pretty odd that its the bad things lol but anyway this one 7.5. multis great flow good

Trying destroy faith, but they've only burned our churches..
The bravest we had suddenly turned out nervous..

thats real talk right there shit like this really happens who gonna fight for ya ya dead lol 8.5.

Divisions of sin simply merge to irk us, as the beserk unearth us..
Portray us as evil, as our inequities learn to surface..

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn lol 10.10

We attempted a movement of powers but now are proven as cowards..
Us realizing their views are as stupid as ours..

lol dose ur very good with multis buddy and its all making sense to 9.5.

over all 9.0 alot of niggas be making stories and cant continue it on they usually fuck it up with shit that dont make sense just to rhyme u made sense with everything with a hard ass flow multid asnd history holla dose

JR-One · 02-09-2007, 09:17 PM

Uppink.. ..

~Young Gunna~ · 02-09-2007, 09:26 PM

lol@meekas feed...smh

well ur multies were nice...lik a few of em seemed a lil forced but most of them were nice...ur story tellin had some nice vocab,imagery was iight couldve been worked on a lil,da punches got iin da way of da story for me but it was decent..ur punches,none stood out to much but dey were decent...text flow??it actually flowed pretty nice in my head...overall i liked dis piece better dne ur older one...1

JR-One · 02-09-2007, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Young Gunna~

lol@meekas feed...smh

well ur multies were nice...lik a few of em seemed a lil forced but most of them were nice...ur story tellin had some nice vocab,imagery was iight couldve been worked on a lil,da punches got iin da way of da story for me but it was decent..ur punches,none stood out to much but dey were decent...text flow??it actually flowed pretty nice in my head...overall i liked dis piece better dne ur older one...1

^^ There Was Only One Punch.. .. So I Can't See How They 'got iin da way of da story'.. ..

Lil Lay · 02-09-2007, 09:46 PM

On the lay meter it scores a "hot".

consistant all the way through.

[CC]Ratify[CC] · 02-09-2007, 09:51 PM

nice. . .all around. . .i liked the multies. . .sick storytelling and imagery. . .and i dunno wtf gunnas talking about about the punch. . .flow could be worked on. . .decent vocab. . .1

Nick_Kase · 02-09-2007, 10:47 PM

it's pretty good... nice story .. like Xien Chon Yon Fat Ton Wun said nice imagery ... punches weren't neccessary so no minus for that cuz it wasnt a punchline free

i'd say 8.5 overall

The Kid Blaze · 02-10-2007, 12:35 AM

i think it was good .. nice opner and closer .. multies were on point like usual .. fav lines:
Our soldiers, accepting gracious offers to chart abrasive waters..
Sent like Alaskan hunters, to kill humans like endangered otters..
A pawn in the chess game; a kid marchin' in a parade of monsters..
They say "you'd be insane to stop us", they're deranged and pompous..
Yet still they remain in power and stay in office..
As a plague of revolts strike while they unconscious..
Hold faith while remaining godless, they may pain and mock us..
But in this world of the lies, they've slain the honest..
Killed the good hard workers of this hood yard circus..
The soldiers of nothing wondering if they've served our purpose..

good shit dose i give it around a 7.5/10 .. not your best but still a hot free

Da Dynasty · 02-10-2007, 12:37 AM

Its Was Nice Fam, SOme Good Vocab In There i give a 8 i like it something different from you

Tom Chambers · 02-10-2007, 12:59 AM

it sucked.............................

no really....it sucks

ok real feed........i actually liked it .......i hated the punchline in there.......didn't like N i don't believe it was needed.....there were 1 or 2 forced mutli's....but you did good....i liked the vocab...N the imagery was sick....

overall.....8/10....

B Dope · 02-10-2007, 04:21 AM

this is some nice shit. Not too many that can text at this level. You good with ya vocab and multies. Overal this is a 8/10. I only saw one forced multie but this was still good.

JR-One · 02-10-2007, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baller

this is some nice shit. Not too many that can text at this level. You good with ya vocab and multies. Overal this is a 8/10. I only saw one forced multie but this was still good.

"Not too many that cant text at this level" .. .. "Overal this is a 8/10"

So In Other Words, You Place Me On A Pedestal.. .. Simply To Then Say I'm Average Because In Every Other Free People Are Given 8/10.. ..

dtale253 · 02-10-2007, 05:41 AM

^^^ your lucky we stole your land O.o
otherwise you couldnt talk like you were educated :-/
anyway
this was a good text
8/10-8.5/10
i dont like you but you got good text shit
your only a rapper when you do audio though
you'll be there someday lil' fella

JR-One · 02-10-2007, 07:38 PM

iGotAnEdge: what do you do in your spare time?
dtale253: i go to truck stops and suck mayonaise out of tubes
iGotAnEdge: huh?
dtale253: yeah and tehn i get payed for it

B Dope · 02-10-2007, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JR-One

"Not too many that cant text at this level" .. .. "Overal this is a 8/10"

So In Other Words, You Place Me On A Pedestal.. .. Simply To Then Say I'm Average Because In Every Other Free People Are Given 8/10.. ..

I'm not given out 8/10 like nothin anymore now. Now ya got to earn it. What ya said in the mc chat made me change that. Hey can ya chek out my free. Not the one that I messed around on.

JR-One · 02-11-2007, 03:33 AM

Uppin.. ..

Bwoi-Wonder · 02-11-2007, 09:42 PM

Hmm..this was a different style then to your usual stuff. First off I thought it was kinda weird how it switched from different things, but in essence I understood the story nonetheless. As usual I thought it flowed flawlessly and the multies were on point. Meh, since this was a topical there were no stand out punches or things like that; but the story was nice and it all made sense.

8.4/10.

DeionS · 02-12-2007, 01:33 AM

This Was Nice, Good Flow, Great Vocab, Nice Use Of Words.

Keep It Up, And Stay Up.

dtale253 · 02-12-2007, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JR-One

iGotAnEdge: what do you do in your spare time?
dtale253: i go to truck stops and suck mayonaise out of tubes
iGotAnEdge: huh?
dtale253: yeah and tehn i get payed for it

i like how that was never said in a conversation
what do you do in your spare time?
lmao

JR-One · 02-12-2007, 02:33 AM

Don't Deny That Shit DTale.. .. You Kept Sayin' That To Me And I Didn't Know Why.. .. I Had To Block You.. ..

Did You Ever Get Your Shit Played On The Radio..?..

Rebel INS {CF} · 02-12-2007, 08:34 AM

like u sed its different, very different to things that ive seen on the site before now

i liked it a lot to be honest, nice rhyme pattern and i thought it flowed real well

like the way u sed the human otters shit in the alaskan line, i thought that shit was mad clever, never heard anything like it befroe

good shit man

JR-One · 02-12-2007, 08:42 AM

Most People, Myself Included, Felt That That Line Wasn't Needed.. .. But Glad To Hear You Enjoyed It.. ..

Uppin.. ..

02-09-2007, 04:29 AM	#1
JR-One Veteran Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Van-Kool-Vurr Posts: 1,021 Repped: 19 Repped 52 Times in 20 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Gradual.. .. Gradual.. .. Penned by the greatest authors: empires fall after they reign and conquer.. Invade us, rape and slaughter our grateful daughters.. Our soldiers, accepting gracious offers to chart abrasive waters.. Sent like Alaskan hunters, to kill humans like endangered otters.. A pawn in the chess game; a kid marchin' in a parade of monsters.. They say "you'd be insane to stop us", they're deranged and pompous.. Yet still they remain in power and stay in office.. As a plague of revolts strike while they unconscious.. Hold faith while remaining godless, they may pain and mock us.. But in this world of the lies, they've slain the honest.. Killed the good hard workers of this hood yard circus.. The soldiers of nothing wondering if they've served our purpose.. Trying destroy faith, but they've only burned our churches.. The bravest we had suddenly turned out nervous.. Divisions of sin simply merge to irk us, as the beserk unearth us.. Portray us as evil, as our inequities learn to surface.. We attempted a movement of powers but now are proven as cowards.. Us realizing their views are as stupid as ours.. At the most suitable hour they soon regroup and devour.. Now, survivors doomed to just cower.. Pinned to this cross, ironically evolution prevailed.. Living is easy with eyes closed, our revolution has failed.. I Tried Something Different.. .. Don't Complain About The Multies, They All Follow The Same Vowel Scheme.. .. Lines 1-10 All Follow Rhymes Involving Short 'A' And Long 'A' Vowel Sounds.. .. That's As Far As I'll Explain It.. .. If You Didn't Get The Story, It's About A Revolution In An Unnamed Country.. .. Leave Feed.. .. __________________ Cheers To Pacman23.. ..

02-09-2007, 04:50 AM	#2
!{THR!LLZ}! {NJ}-W's 45~2 L's- Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: {CMD} -NJ- Posts: 3,713 Repped: 13 Repped 14 Times in 10 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Yuh U Right .. Very Diff .. I Understood Da Rhyme Scheme & Story Line Tho ..otter Line Was A Lil Weird ... No Hard Hittin Punches Buh They Weren't As Necessicary In This Type A Free ... Overall It Came Out On Point ... Nuttin To Complain Bout ... Topical ... __________________ {NJ THRILLA THE KILLA}{THRILLZ}{05-07} {SOLO KILL COUNT}{W'S 45 - 3 L'S}{{321}} {RHYME REF}{VET SLAYA}{G-WORLD'S MINE}

02-09-2007, 10:20 AM	#3
MiSs CaSsiDy QUEEN OF HORRORCORE RAP Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: HELL Posts: 1,263 Repped: 9 Repped 31 Times in 13 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	A pawn in the chess game; a kid marchin' in a parade of monsters.. They say "you'd be insane to stop us", they're deranged and pompous.. i like how u describing everything pretty odd that its the bad things lol but anyway this one 7.5. multis great flow good Trying destroy faith, but they've only burned our churches.. The bravest we had suddenly turned out nervous.. thats real talk right there shit like this really happens who gonna fight for ya ya dead lol 8.5. Divisions of sin simply merge to irk us, as the beserk unearth us.. Portray us as evil, as our inequities learn to surface.. daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn lol 10.10 We attempted a movement of powers but now are proven as cowards.. Us realizing their views are as stupid as ours.. lol dose ur very good with multis buddy and its all making sense to 9.5. over all 9.0 alot of niggas be making stories and cant continue it on they usually fuck it up with shit that dont make sense just to rhyme u made sense with everything with a hard ass flow multid asnd history holla dose __________________

02-09-2007, 09:17 PM	#4
JR-One Veteran Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Van-Kool-Vurr Posts: 1,021 Repped: 19 Repped 52 Times in 20 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Uppink.. .. __________________ Cheers To Pacman23.. ..

02-09-2007, 10:47 PM	#9
Nick_Kase T T T TOTALLY DOOD! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Inside Your Girlfriend Posts: 999 Repped: 207 Repped 152 Times in 72 Posts Neg Reps: 21 Neg Repped at 15 Times in 12 Posts	it's pretty good... nice story .. like Xien Chon Yon Fat Ton Wun said nice imagery ... punches weren't neccessary so no minus for that cuz it wasnt a punchline free i'd say 8.5 overall __________________ www.myspace.com/nickkasemusic http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7452843

02-09-2007, 09:26 PM	#5
~Young Gunna~ Banned Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Gs Us Posts: 10,870 Repped: 156 Repped 574 Times in 243 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 2 Times in 2 Posts	lol@meekas feed...smh well ur multies were nice...lik a few of em seemed a lil forced but most of them were nice...ur story tellin had some nice vocab,imagery was iight couldve been worked on a lil,da punches got iin da way of da story for me but it was decent..ur punches,none stood out to much but dey were decent...text flow??it actually flowed pretty nice in my head...overall i liked dis piece better dne ur older one...1

02-09-2007, 09:46 PM	#7
Lil Lay Fallen Angel Join Date: May 2005 Location: Homer Posts: 3,897 Repped: 1 Repped 0 Times in 0 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	On the lay meter it scores a "hot". consistant all the way through.

02-09-2007, 09:51 PM	#8
[CC]Ratify[CC] Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Where It Started At. . .[NY] Posts: 8,373 Repped: 353 Repped 610 Times in 235 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 5 Posts	nice. . .all around. . .i liked the multies. . .sick storytelling and imagery. . .and i dunno wtf gunnas talking about about the punch. . .flow could be worked on. . .decent vocab. . .1

02-10-2007, 12:35 AM	#10
The Kid Blaze Nike KB / Air-Blaze Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Tree City Posts: 7,255 Repped: 68 Repped 151 Times in 54 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	i think it was good .. nice opner and closer .. multies were on point like usual .. fav lines: Our soldiers, accepting gracious offers to chart abrasive waters.. Sent like Alaskan hunters, to kill humans like endangered otters.. A pawn in the chess game; a kid marchin' in a parade of monsters.. They say "you'd be insane to stop us", they're deranged and pompous.. Yet still they remain in power and stay in office.. As a plague of revolts strike while they unconscious.. Hold faith while remaining godless, they may pain and mock us.. But in this world of the lies, they've slain the honest.. Killed the good hard workers of this hood yard circus.. The soldiers of nothing wondering if they've served our purpose.. good shit dose i give it around a 7.5/10 .. not your best but still a hot free __________________

02-10-2007, 12:37 AM	#11
Da Dynasty Stop Learned Helplessness Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Mississippi Posts: 11,936 Repped: 6,018 Repped 1,248 Times in 441 Posts Neg Reps: 53 Neg Repped at 36 Times in 31 Posts	Its Was Nice Fam, SOme Good Vocab In There i give a 8 i like it something different from you

02-10-2007, 12:59 AM	#12
Tom Chambers AkA Sur-Vis-U-All Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: pittsburgh Posts: 11,280 Repped: 132 Repped 477 Times in 296 Posts Neg Reps: 19 Neg Repped at 68 Times in 54 Posts	it sucked............................. no really....it sucks ok real feed........i actually liked it .......i hated the punchline in there.......didn't like N i don't believe it was needed.....there were 1 or 2 forced mutli's....but you did good....i liked the vocab...N the imagery was sick.... overall.....8/10....

02-10-2007, 04:21 AM	#13
B Dope Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,051 Repped: 638 Repped 375 Times in 112 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	this is some nice shit. Not too many that can text at this level. You good with ya vocab and multies. Overal this is a 8/10. I only saw one forced multie but this was still good.

02-10-2007, 05:41 AM	#15
dtale253 Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: washington Posts: 4,765 Repped: 35 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	^^^ your lucky we stole your land O.o otherwise you couldnt talk like you were educated :-/ anyway this was a good text 8/10-8.5/10 i dont like you but you got good text shit your only a rapper when you do audio though you'll be there someday lil' fella

02-10-2007, 07:38 PM	#16
JR-One Veteran Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Van-Kool-Vurr Posts: 1,021 Repped: 19 Repped 52 Times in 20 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	iGotAnEdge: what do you do in your spare time? dtale253: i go to truck stops and suck mayonaise out of tubes iGotAnEdge: huh? dtale253: yeah and tehn i get payed for it __________________ Cheers To Pacman23.. ..

02-11-2007, 03:33 AM	#18
JR-One Veteran Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Van-Kool-Vurr Posts: 1,021 Repped: 19 Repped 52 Times in 20 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Uppin.. .. __________________ Cheers To Pacman23.. ..

02-11-2007, 09:42 PM	#19
Bwoi-Wonder Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Toronto. Posts: 758 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Hmm..this was a different style then to your usual stuff. First off I thought it was kinda weird how it switched from different things, but in essence I understood the story nonetheless. As usual I thought it flowed flawlessly and the multies were on point. Meh, since this was a topical there were no stand out punches or things like that; but the story was nice and it all made sense. 8.4/10.

02-12-2007, 01:33 AM	#20
DeionS YaH DiG???? Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York Posts: 1,349 Repped: 32 Repped 1,182 Times in 137 Posts Neg Reps: 3 Neg Repped at 30 Times in 20 Posts	This Was Nice, Good Flow, Great Vocab, Nice Use Of Words. Keep It Up, And Stay Up.

02-12-2007, 02:33 AM	#22
JR-One Veteran Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Van-Kool-Vurr Posts: 1,021 Repped: 19 Repped 52 Times in 20 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Don't Deny That Shit DTale.. .. You Kept Sayin' That To Me And I Didn't Know Why.. .. I Had To Block You.. .. Did You Ever Get Your Shit Played On The Radio..?.. __________________ Cheers To Pacman23.. ..

02-12-2007, 08:34 AM	#23
Rebel INS {CF} - iLLuminati ~ Rapsody - Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ireland Posts: 11,453 Repped: 151 Repped 645 Times in 302 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 77 Times in 69 Posts	like u sed its different, very different to things that ive seen on the site before now i liked it a lot to be honest, nice rhyme pattern and i thought it flowed real well like the way u sed the human otters shit in the alaskan line, i thought that shit was mad clever, never heard anything like it befroe good shit man __________________ "Fighting Ignorance every day is gettin weary" [name pending] --- The Gateway Drug --- Sometime Soon --- myspace.com/namepending08

02-12-2007, 08:42 AM	#24
JR-One Veteran Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Van-Kool-Vurr Posts: 1,021 Repped: 19 Repped 52 Times in 20 Posts Neg Reps: 1 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Most People, Myself Included, Felt That That Line Wasn't Needed.. .. But Glad To Hear You Enjoyed It.. .. Uppin.. .. __________________ Cheers To Pacman23.. ..

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