Blah.

Bwoi-Wonder · 12-31-2006, 08:39 PM

He couldn't think of anything less than gripping a pistol..
And to those that opposed him,would be kissing a missile..
He was living the fantasy, that many kids dreamed of..
Secretly, his crew was angry at him they schemed on..
He had to much protection from those that were truly royal..
His true friends told him about this, they're plan was truly soiled..
In the tough streets of harlem,these things were frowned upon..
He went out the next day,when he came back everything was gone..
Shit already happened frequently, but he was usually acquitted..
Robbed a liquor store for quick cash, this time he really flipped it..
The owner of the store was in the back, and called the cops..
With all the anger he fought,all he could hear was gunshots..
His mind filled with sick thoughts,about greed he then stopped..
Dead in his tracks, dead in a sense of a new beginning..
He got jailed,thanks god for not getting killed; he was truly winning..

Something quick,leave feed. I haven't dropped anything in ages. My last drop was when RA was live..which was in the summer lol. Thanks for what you post.

The Lyrical One · 12-31-2006, 08:56 PM

this was real good had some nice line in there I liked the beginning
flow was on Point man

7.9-8/10

very decent stay up

Bwoi-Wonder · 12-31-2006, 09:01 PM

Thanks for the feed,hoping for some more. -bumps-

Bwoi-Wonder · 12-31-2006, 10:01 PM

Bumpity Bump.

D-Hac · 12-31-2006, 10:52 PM

You're a lil' rusty but it was still pretty decent. Stay up dude.

JR-One · 01-02-2007, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bwoi-Wonder

He couldn't think of anything less than gripping a pistol..
And to those that opposed him,would be kissing a missile..

Good Rhyme.. ..

Quote:

He was living the fantasy, that many kids dreamed of..
Secretly, his crew was angry at him they schemed on..

On & Of, Don't Rhyme.. .. Two Different Vowel Sounds.. ..

Quote:

He had to much protection from those that were truly royal..
His true friends told him about this, they're plan was truly soiled..

Below Average.. .. You Rhymed Truly & Truly.. .. Then Royal + Soiled.. .. Not Overly Clever.. ..

Quote:

In the tough streets of harlem,these things were frowned upon..
He went out the next day,when he came back everything was gone..

Bad Flow, Each Line Had Too Many Syllables.. .. Rhyme Wasn't Good Either.. ..

Quote:

His mind fluent with thoughts, now a dazzling idea popped up..

^^ There Is No Line Rhyming With This One.. .. It's Just A Single Line Without A Match One, What Happened..?.. This Throws The Flow Off Even More.. ..

Quote:

Shit already happened frequently, but he was usually acquitted..
Robbed a liquor store for quick cash, this time he really flipped it..

You Really Need To Add Multies To Your Work.. .. The Flow's Really Off For All Of This And Frequent Multies Will Fix That.. .. Or Even Shorter Lines.. ..

Quote:

The owner of the store was in the back, and called the cops..
With all the anger he fought,all he could hear was gunshots..
His mind filled with sick thoughts,about greed he then stopped..

I'm Kinda Lost As To What Is Happening.. .. Why Is Said Character Robbing Such Liquor Store..?.. What Is His Motivation..?.. Because His Crew Is 'scheming on'..?..

Quote:

Dead in his tracks, dead in a sense of a new beginning..
He got jailed,thanks god for not getting killed; he was truly winning..

He Was Winning..?.. Odd Ending Considering That:
His Friends Don't Seem To Like Him; 'scheming'.. ..
He's Seemingly Poor, Living In Harlem
He Has Seemingly Witnessed A Murder; 'gunshots', Which Would Cause Some Sort Of Post Traumatic Stress.. ..
He's Now In Jail.. ..

Not Really The Definition Of A Winner In My Books.. ..

12-31-2006, 08:39 PM	#1
Bwoi-Wonder Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Toronto. Posts: 758 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Blah. Blah. He couldn't think of anything less than gripping a pistol.. And to those that opposed him,would be kissing a missile.. He was living the fantasy, that many kids dreamed of.. Secretly, his crew was angry at him they schemed on.. He had to much protection from those that were truly royal.. His true friends told him about this, they're plan was truly soiled.. In the tough streets of harlem,these things were frowned upon.. He went out the next day,when he came back everything was gone.. Shit already happened frequently, but he was usually acquitted.. Robbed a liquor store for quick cash, this time he really flipped it.. The owner of the store was in the back, and called the cops.. With all the anger he fought,all he could hear was gunshots.. His mind filled with sick thoughts,about greed he then stopped.. Dead in his tracks, dead in a sense of a new beginning.. He got jailed,thanks god for not getting killed; he was truly winning.. Something quick,leave feed. I haven't dropped anything in ages. My last drop was when RA was live..which was in the summer lol. Thanks for what you post.

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12-31-2006, 08:56 PM	#2
The Lyrical One !!..SuPeR LyRiCiSt..!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: lol Posts: 1,650 Repped: 31 Repped 15 Times in 12 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	this was real good had some nice line in there I liked the beginning flow was on Point man 7.9-8/10 very decent stay up

12-31-2006, 09:01 PM	#3
Bwoi-Wonder Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Toronto. Posts: 758 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Thanks for the feed,hoping for some more. -bumps-

12-31-2006, 10:01 PM	#4
Bwoi-Wonder Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Toronto. Posts: 758 Repped: 0 Repped 1 Time in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Bumpity Bump.

12-31-2006, 10:52 PM	#5
D-Hac Banned Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,642 Repped: 54 Repped 17 Times in 9 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	You're a lil' rusty but it was still pretty decent. Stay up dude.