Topical Keystyle

-C.C- · 12-09-2006, 12:51 PM

Aight So I Was Watching Law & Order This Morning (Show Is CRACK BTW) And Felt Like Keying Something From The Defendants Point Of View....Defendant Is A Drug Lord On Trial For Murder....This Is From When He Takes The Stand On....First Full Length Topical So Leave Me Some Feed....

Me = Normal
Prosecutor = Italics
Defense Lawyer = Underlined

I Wake Up From A Daze...The Prosecutor's Calling My Name//
Wrongly Accused...They Dont Care...D.A. Wants To Haul In The Fame//
Scared Of Conviction....Feeling Sick...Inside I'm Bawling From Pain//
If Found Guilty...Maybe Revolt...I Should Start Maulin These Lames//
Baliff Roams Over To The Table....Escorts Me To The Stand//
He's Reciting A Code...All I Hear Is "Please Raise Your Right Hand"//
Start Getting Grilled By My Lawyer....Still Emotionless...Bland//
Reminicing On Her Advice....Staying Vague Was Our Plan//
"The Defense Rests"...Floor's Turned Over To The Prosecutor//
He's Known For Sniping Felons...With These Questions...He's A Shooter//
Hear His Voice....I Get Queezy...Like I'm About To Get Nutored//
Try To Take My Mind Off Thins..."Look At Juror 5 And Those Hooters"// Lawl
Wait! I Gotta Answer The Questions....Judge Keeps Reminding Me//
I Know He Wants Me Dead...Wish He Wasnt Presiding B//
Prosecutor Starts The Question....I Feel Shot Down Already//
"Lets Get Right To The Point...Did'nt Your Ass Kill Paul Keddy?"//
I Tell Him No..."Okay Bro"....He States That He Rests His Case//
Did I Answer Wrong? Dont Know...But Look At That Smirk On His Face//
Closing Statements, Jury Meets, The Verdict I Shall Await//
Did I Commit The Crime? Leave That For You To Debate...//

Yung_blaze · 12-09-2006, 05:26 PM

not bad i say u can do alot betta no real punchlines in that wen i read ur shit normally at least one line makes me go ooooooooooooooooooh

anywayz keep up m8

-C.C- · 12-09-2006, 05:45 PM

uppin......

thanks ^

U Not Like Me · 12-09-2006, 06:00 PM

ya that was pretty cool, i watch Law and Order too

-C.C- · 12-09-2006, 06:01 PM

svu, ci, and the original

law and order>>>>>>>>>>>>>everything except lost, 24, prison break

U Not Like Me · 12-09-2006, 06:13 PM

i don't watch Lost, but i watch Prison Break and 24- those shows are the shit!!

-C.C- · 12-10-2006, 01:49 PM

bump...need come constructive feed

A.T.I. · 12-10-2006, 03:40 PM

good concept, and overall it was good, but a couple of lines seemed forced

The Lyrical One · 12-10-2006, 03:47 PM

I cant believe this shit crazy joint CC

and Um i need to start watchin those damn shows are they really that good

-C.C- · 12-10-2006, 03:51 PM

Quote:

good concept, and overall it was good, but a couple of lines seemed forced

props dun...

Quote:

I cant believe this shit crazy joint CC

glad u liked it so much

Quote:

and Um i need to start watchin those damn shows are they really that good

yea they are

L.P. a.k.a Yung~One · 12-10-2006, 05:27 PM

YO C.c. real nice homie i liked it / but i kno u can cum harder /but newayz....8/10 keep'em cumin

ya heard meh.....1

-C.C- · 12-10-2006, 05:47 PM

wizzord....yea...topicals arent my speciality....yet

L.P. a.k.a Yung~One · 12-10-2006, 07:02 PM

^^^lol well u still rip'd it but i kno 4 a fact u can bring alot more heat

-C.C- · 12-10-2006, 11:32 PM

lol...thanks lp...uppin

~Young Gunna~ · 12-10-2006, 11:58 PM

hmmm....da concept was pretty good...but u couldve added soem mor multies n made em complex....u should use some mor vocab in ya shit...cuz some of ya shit was to basic....n use mor imagery n plot da picture in da readers head.....but it was decent....1

12-09-2006, 12:51 PM	#1
-C.C- Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: To The 5 Boroughs And Beyond Posts: 1,334 Repped: 82 Repped 189 Times in 39 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Topical Keystyle Topical Keystyle Aight So I Was Watching Law & Order This Morning (Show Is CRACK BTW) And Felt Like Keying Something From The Defendants Point Of View....Defendant Is A Drug Lord On Trial For Murder....This Is From When He Takes The Stand On....First Full Length Topical So Leave Me Some Feed.... Me = Normal Prosecutor = Italics Defense Lawyer = Underlined I Wake Up From A Daze...The Prosecutor's Calling My Name// Wrongly Accused...They Dont Care...D.A. Wants To Haul In The Fame// Scared Of Conviction....Feeling Sick...Inside I'm Bawling From Pain// If Found Guilty...Maybe Revolt...I Should Start Maulin These Lames// Baliff Roams Over To The Table....Escorts Me To The Stand// He's Reciting A Code...All I Hear Is "Please Raise Your Right Hand"// Start Getting Grilled By My Lawyer....Still Emotionless...Bland// Reminicing On Her Advice....Staying Vague Was Our Plan// "The Defense Rests"...Floor's Turned Over To The Prosecutor// He's Known For Sniping Felons...With These Questions...He's A Shooter// Hear His Voice....I Get Queezy...Like I'm About To Get Nutored// Try To Take My Mind Off Thins..."Look At Juror 5 And Those Hooters"// Lawl Wait! I Gotta Answer The Questions....Judge Keeps Reminding Me// I Know He Wants Me Dead...Wish He Wasnt Presiding B// Prosecutor Starts The Question....I Feel Shot Down Already// "Lets Get Right To The Point...Did'nt Your Ass Kill Paul Keddy?"// I Tell Him No..."Okay Bro"....He States That He Rests His Case// Did I Answer Wrong? Dont Know...But Look At That Smirk On His Face// Closing Statements, Jury Meets, The Verdict I Shall Await// Did I Commit The Crime? Leave That For You To Debate...//

12-09-2006, 05:26 PM	#2
Yung_blaze Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: LONDON Posts: 5,070 Repped: 1,197 Repped 146 Times in 63 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 4 Posts	not bad i say u can do alot betta no real punchlines in that wen i read ur shit normally at least one line makes me go ooooooooooooooooooh anywayz keep up m8 __________________ Play with the best die like the rest G_UNIT_THUG: Props 50, you da real fif?

12-10-2006, 03:40 PM	#8
A.T.I. Agitating the Ignorant Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 7,600 Repped: 1,376 Repped 2,041 Times in 718 Posts Neg Reps: 155 Neg Repped at 162 Times in 129 Posts	good concept, and overall it was good, but a couple of lines seemed forced __________________ “At a snail's pace, I won this race that y'all trail"

12-10-2006, 05:27 PM	#11
L.P. a.k.a Yung~One G~L~K Join Date: May 2006 Location: miami//dade county//305 Posts: 829 Repped: 4 Repped 24 Times in 17 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	YO C.c. real nice homie i liked it / but i kno u can cum harder /but newayz....8/10 keep'em cumin ya heard meh.....1 __________________

12-10-2006, 07:02 PM	#13
L.P. a.k.a Yung~One G~L~K Join Date: May 2006 Location: miami//dade county//305 Posts: 829 Repped: 4 Repped 24 Times in 17 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	^^^lol well u still rip'd it but i kno 4 a fact u can bring alot more heat __________________

12-09-2006, 05:45 PM	#3
-C.C- Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: To The 5 Boroughs And Beyond Posts: 1,334 Repped: 82 Repped 189 Times in 39 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	uppin...... thanks ^

12-09-2006, 06:00 PM	#4
U Not Like Me You Should Already Know Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Springfield, Massachusetts Posts: 293 Repped: 63 Repped 9 Times in 4 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	ya that was pretty cool, i watch Law and Order too

12-09-2006, 06:01 PM	#5
-C.C- Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: To The 5 Boroughs And Beyond Posts: 1,334 Repped: 82 Repped 189 Times in 39 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	svu, ci, and the original law and order>>>>>>>>>>>>>everything except lost, 24, prison break

12-09-2006, 06:13 PM	#6
U Not Like Me You Should Already Know Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Springfield, Massachusetts Posts: 293 Repped: 63 Repped 9 Times in 4 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	i don't watch Lost, but i watch Prison Break and 24- those shows are the shit!!

12-10-2006, 01:49 PM	#7
-C.C- Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: To The 5 Boroughs And Beyond Posts: 1,334 Repped: 82 Repped 189 Times in 39 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	bump...need come constructive feed

12-10-2006, 03:47 PM	#9
The Lyrical One !!..SuPeR LyRiCiSt..!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: lol Posts: 1,650 Repped: 31 Repped 15 Times in 12 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	I cant believe this shit crazy joint CC and Um i need to start watchin those damn shows are they really that good

12-10-2006, 05:47 PM	#12
-C.C- Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: To The 5 Boroughs And Beyond Posts: 1,334 Repped: 82 Repped 189 Times in 39 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	wizzord....yea...topicals arent my speciality....yet

12-10-2006, 11:32 PM	#14
-C.C- Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: To The 5 Boroughs And Beyond Posts: 1,334 Repped: 82 Repped 189 Times in 39 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	lol...thanks lp...uppin

12-10-2006, 11:58 PM	#15
~Young Gunna~ Banned Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Gs Us Posts: 10,870 Repped: 156 Repped 574 Times in 243 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 2 Times in 2 Posts	hmmm....da concept was pretty good...but u couldve added soem mor multies n made em complex....u should use some mor vocab in ya shit...cuz some of ya shit was to basic....n use mor imagery n plot da picture in da readers head.....but it was decent....1

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