Real Quick (entire thing is a multi, I think)

sofis2cated · 12-08-2006, 08:17 PM

Tattoos bleeding cuz the ink I drop, is so fresh/
Got you wheezing cuz the thing I popped, at yo chest/
Catch me in the studio making that gangsta sound/
Stretching out the coochie hole, breaking that banga* down/
Leavin chuck-prints in the dirt at the murder scene/
Beatin a punk bitch til he injured with a hurtin splene/
Smashed out in da whip to cop a ziploc of chronic/
Fat clouds from a spliff offset the sips of hypnotiq/
Now my mind is demonic like a character from Crypt Tales/
Down a pint of some tonic and share wit ya the clip tales/

*banga=fine ass bitch that'd I'd bang in a heartbeat
Shit I was going to write more but I gotta bounce, tell me what ya'll think, I tried to make every 2 lines one big multi and this only took about 7 minutes so leave some feedback!

Shogun · 12-08-2006, 09:35 PM

"every 2 lines one big multi" - so, in other words, the whole thing isn't a multi? Just every couplet contains a multi? And that's special because?

Every couplet was wack & the piece was wack as a whole. You could've killed yourself in less than 7 minutes dumbass, & at least then you'd have been contributing something to mankind.

JiVeRsoN · 12-08-2006, 11:13 PM

ouch......

ThA ViiRu5 · 12-08-2006, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JiVeRsoN

ouch......

i'll second that

sofis2cated · 12-09-2006, 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shogun

"every 2 lines one big multi" - so, in other words, the whole thing isn't a multi? Just every couplet contains a multi? And that's special because?

Every couplet was wack & the piece was wack as a whole. You could've killed yourself in less than 7 minutes dumbass, & at least then you'd have been contributing something to mankind.

Hence the reason I put "I think" in the headline you fucken retard.. and true it wasn't all that great but in 7 minutes to create lines in which 85% of the words rhyme isn't that fucken easy(and no every couplet contains more than one multi dipshit), especially for someone who hasn't been doing this for a very long time, but it's all good I take criticism as being constructive and improve where needed, but before you call someone a dumbass you should probably check outta the special ed section of rapping bitch-made! haha j/k homo

Shogun · 12-09-2006, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sofis2cated

Hence the reason I put "I think" in the headline you fucken retard.. and true it wasn't all that great but in 7 minutes to create lines in which 85% of the words rhyme isn't that fucken easy(and no every couplet contains more than one multi dipshit), especially for someone who hasn't been doing this for a very long time, but it's all good I take criticism as being constructive and improve where needed, but before you call someone a dumbass you should probably check outta the special ed section of rapping bitch-made! haha j/k homo

"I think"...well you thought wrong & so deserved to be chastised accordingly.

85%? Let's take the first couplet a sample: 24 syllables with 10 rhyming syllables therefore only 42% (really 41.67%) of it rhymed. 42% is not even in the vicinity of 85%.

So now that that little excuse has been dismantled, what else have we got? Oh you haven't been writing long.......and??? If you wished that to be taken into consider then see to it that the thread carries the appropriate disability sticker, "Handicap Writer: when posting feedback, please take the writer's specified disability into account", & then take the time to let us know you suffer from acute n00bism.

And yap, yap, sure you take criticism well; you should really dry out your pillow before trying to front like that Johnny, LAWL.

sofis2cated · 12-09-2006, 04:09 PM

Well the criticism aspect of the matter I do take into consideration, but when you start refering to someone as a dumbass I tend to get a little more personal with it, and fire back with some derogatory terms of my own! And I'm glad to see you know how to work a calculator but you got your numbers all wrong:
Tattoos bleeding cuz the ink I drop, is so fresh/
Got you wheezing cuz the thing I popped, at yo chest
Now to me that looks like a lot more than 41.67%

Shogun · 12-09-2006, 04:28 PM

"Tattoos" didn't rhyme with "got you" last time I checked; "-oos" does indeed rhyme with "you" though.

And LAWLAWLAWLAWLAWL@your retarded ass counting shit like "-ing" & "cuz" as rhyming with.....wait for it......."-ing" & "cuz"! Wow, now that's what I call lyricism.

I love how you took it to another level by rhyming "the" with "the", but not as much as I love how you didn't try to pass off "so" & "yo" as rhyme-worthy - actually, you may have, but just didn't colour them given the disproportionate availability of colour-to-"multi" that apparently exists here.

What a dumbass, LAWL.

Yung_blaze · 12-09-2006, 05:05 PM

oos and you rhym wen i say it

Shogun · 12-09-2006, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shogun

"-oos" does indeed rhyme with "you" though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yung_blaze

oos and you rhym wen i say it

Well, well, aren't you a smart little monkey eh? LAWLAWLAWL.

Yung_blaze · 12-09-2006, 05:20 PM

stfu u faggot i miss read it

12-08-2006, 08:17 PM	#1
sofis2cated California Lyricist Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bakersfield, CA Posts: 762 Repped: 33 Repped 10 Times in 8 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Real Quick (entire thing is a multi, I think) Real Quick (entire thing is a multi, I think) Tattoos bleeding cuz the ink I drop, is so fresh/ Got you wheezing cuz the thing I popped, at yo chest/ Catch me in the studio making that gangsta sound/ Stretching out the coochie hole, breaking that banga* down/ Leavin chuck-prints in the dirt at the murder scene/ Beatin a punk bitch til he injured with a hurtin splene/ Smashed out in da whip to cop a ziploc of chronic/ Fat clouds from a spliff offset the sips of hypnotiq/ Now my mind is demonic like a character from Crypt Tales/ Down a pint of some tonic and share wit ya the clip tales/ *banga=fine ass bitch that'd I'd bang in a heartbeat Shit I was going to write more but I gotta bounce, tell me what ya'll think, I tried to make every 2 lines one big multi and this only took about 7 minutes so leave some feedback!

12-09-2006, 05:05 PM	#9
Yung_blaze Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: LONDON Posts: 5,070 Repped: 1,197 Repped 146 Times in 63 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 4 Posts	oos and you rhym wen i say it __________________ Play with the best die like the rest G_UNIT_THUG: Props 50, you da real fif?

12-09-2006, 05:20 PM	#11
Yung_blaze Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: LONDON Posts: 5,070 Repped: 1,197 Repped 146 Times in 63 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 5 Times in 4 Posts	stfu u faggot i miss read it __________________ Play with the best die like the rest G_UNIT_THUG: Props 50, you da real fif?

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12-08-2006, 09:35 PM	#2
Shogun Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 718 Repped: 0 Repped 13 Times in 12 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 4 Posts	"every 2 lines one big multi" - so, in other words, the whole thing isn't a multi? Just every couplet contains a multi? And that's special because? Every couplet was wack & the piece was wack as a whole. You could've killed yourself in less than 7 minutes dumbass, & at least then you'd have been contributing something to mankind.

12-08-2006, 11:13 PM	#3
JiVeRsoN Veteran Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 1,461 Repped: 0 Repped 2 Times in 2 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	ouch......

12-09-2006, 04:09 PM	#7
sofis2cated California Lyricist Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bakersfield, CA Posts: 762 Repped: 33 Repped 10 Times in 8 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 1 Time in 1 Post	Well the criticism aspect of the matter I do take into consideration, but when you start refering to someone as a dumbass I tend to get a little more personal with it, and fire back with some derogatory terms of my own! And I'm glad to see you know how to work a calculator but you got your numbers all wrong: Tattoos bleeding cuz the ink I drop, is so fresh/ Got you wheezing cuz the thing I popped, at yo chest Now to me that looks like a lot more than 41.67%

12-09-2006, 04:28 PM	#8
Shogun Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 718 Repped: 0 Repped 13 Times in 12 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 4 Posts	"Tattoos" didn't rhyme with "got you" last time I checked; "-oos" does indeed rhyme with "you" though. And LAWLAWLAWLAWLAWL@your retarded ass counting shit like "-ing" & "cuz" as rhyming with.....wait for it......."-ing" & "cuz"! Wow, now that's what I call lyricism. I love how you took it to another level by rhyming "the" with "the", but not as much as I love how you didn't try to pass off "so" & "yo" as rhyme-worthy - actually, you may have, but just didn't colour them given the disproportionate availability of colour-to-"multi" that apparently exists here. What a dumbass, LAWL.