ok ok i got it

GameCPTLALA · 10-23-2006, 12:03 PM

I got everyone shook like an earthquake/
niggas at the funeral and shit for gods sake/
really they dead but they momma gon fake/
tellin them he alive when she at the wake/
im like god wanted him early/
so he let 55 shots hit him early/
i kno the cops said hes dirty/
but i kno that he was worthy/
dude didnt deserve it and i miss him alot/
u can call this person hip hop

feed back!

-K.P- · 10-23-2006, 12:39 PM

lol shit wasnt very good, add complexity with multies and more creative metaphors, add length to lines too. not a terrrible try though. stay up

Nature's Prophecy · 10-23-2006, 12:42 PM

Plz take the nearest exit on ur... left... *cough* nd dont come back *cough*

Only PlAyIn

Ya need to improve like... everyfin ther possibly is to improve... and u reallllly need o make ya lines longer bcoz.. u cant create a decent flow wiv.. 5 words? on a line..

Sumary:

Hip-Hop is nothing to me now...

Stay Up

GameCPTLALA · 10-23-2006, 04:32 PM

thanx but i did that shit in like 1 minute before school started ima come back though

GameCPTLALA · 10-23-2006, 05:01 PM

Tryna criticize me about my raps but I can tell u gay/
What the fuck would u kno, u from da the mmuthafuckin UK
Tryna tell me what to do when I write my rhymes
Like what ill flow u got to show in ya lines/
Im telling it straight up like a polygraph machine/
Fakin like a bitch tryna be gangsta by saying dumb things/
like bitch nigga got a gun bigger than yao ming/
U said my shit wasnt very good, fuck ur vision
Fuck u I got enough bars to fill a fuckin prison
No its payback for telling me off/
I went to ur sound click, ur bars a very soft
U said KP don’t forget name, dude/
Welli don’t even want to remember you
See u was trying to be gangsta and shit all up website/
But u rhymes are dead left, mine a dead right/
Please don’t hate because Im sicker than you/
Got guns bigger than you, shit on you
Then I will bury you/
U said see more d’s than a repot card/
Stop lying u aint even that hard/
U soft as a hook from a bitch /
Im the one whos gonna tell u, UR RHYMES ARE SHIT
I advise everyone to go to his sound click/
I can tell that u gonna fail and Im not even a psychic
Bastard ima get a plane ticket to England
When I find u ima kill him
Tryna play that judging role like simon cowell
Im a shit on him. And I aint talking about bowels
Im leave him dead on his stoop or steps
Come on dog no one is ever gonna rep/
U suck and u cant admit it/
U need lessons so ima have to give it/
1 get so good beats first/
Those g unit beats are the worst/
2 get u some ill words/
3 learn how to use verbs/
4 get a lil more ideas or topics/
So when u meet me u can battle of the top and/
I forget to mention number 5
Fuck wit me again, you’ll never see ur family alive

GameCPTLALA · 10-23-2006, 05:06 PM

what now bitch

10-23-2006, 12:03 PM	#1
GameCPTLALA Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 243 Repped: 258 Repped 3 Times in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	ok ok i got it ok ok i got it I got everyone shook like an earthquake/ niggas at the funeral and shit for gods sake/ really they dead but they momma gon fake/ tellin them he alive when she at the wake/ im like god wanted him early/ so he let 55 shots hit him early/ i kno the cops said hes dirty/ but i kno that he was worthy/ dude didnt deserve it and i miss him alot/ u can call this person hip hop feed back!

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10-23-2006, 12:39 PM	#2
-K.P- Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,515 Repped: 142 Repped 119 Times in 47 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	lol shit wasnt very good, add complexity with multies and more creative metaphors, add length to lines too. not a terrrible try though. stay up

10-23-2006, 12:42 PM	#3
Nature's Prophecy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 739 Repped: 11 Repped 12 Times in 9 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Plz take the nearest exit on ur... left... cough nd dont come back cough Only PlAyIn Ya need to improve like... everyfin ther possibly is to improve... and u reallllly need o make ya lines longer bcoz.. u cant create a decent flow wiv.. 5 words? on a line.. Sumary: Hip-Hop is nothing to me now... Stay Up

10-23-2006, 04:32 PM	#4
GameCPTLALA Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 243 Repped: 258 Repped 3 Times in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	thanx but i did that shit in like 1 minute before school started ima come back though

10-23-2006, 05:01 PM	#5
GameCPTLALA Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 243 Repped: 258 Repped 3 Times in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	Tryna criticize me about my raps but I can tell u gay/ What the fuck would u kno, u from da the mmuthafuckin UK Tryna tell me what to do when I write my rhymes Like what ill flow u got to show in ya lines/ Im telling it straight up like a polygraph machine/ Fakin like a bitch tryna be gangsta by saying dumb things/ like bitch nigga got a gun bigger than yao ming/ U said my shit wasnt very good, fuck ur vision Fuck u I got enough bars to fill a fuckin prison No its payback for telling me off/ I went to ur sound click, ur bars a very soft U said KP don’t forget name, dude/ Welli don’t even want to remember you See u was trying to be gangsta and shit all up website/ But u rhymes are dead left, mine a dead right/ Please don’t hate because Im sicker than you/ Got guns bigger than you, shit on you Then I will bury you/ U said see more d’s than a repot card/ Stop lying u aint even that hard/ U soft as a hook from a bitch / Im the one whos gonna tell u, UR RHYMES ARE SHIT I advise everyone to go to his sound click/ I can tell that u gonna fail and Im not even a psychic Bastard ima get a plane ticket to England When I find u ima kill him Tryna play that judging role like simon cowell Im a shit on him. And I aint talking about bowels Im leave him dead on his stoop or steps Come on dog no one is ever gonna rep/ U suck and u cant admit it/ U need lessons so ima have to give it/ 1 get so good beats first/ Those g unit beats are the worst/ 2 get u some ill words/ 3 learn how to use verbs/ 4 get a lil more ideas or topics/ So when u meet me u can battle of the top and/ I forget to mention number 5 Fuck wit me again, you’ll never see ur family alive

10-23-2006, 05:06 PM	#6
GameCPTLALA Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 243 Repped: 258 Repped 3 Times in 1 Post Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 0 Times in 0 Posts	what now bitch