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Old 07-05-2009, 07:05 AM   #1
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Default FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!!

MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY SKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SeEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK.

Last edited by HJones; 07-05-2009 at 07:11 AM.
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Old 07-05-2009, 07:07 AM   #2
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you realy expect people to read all that?? and even if they do.. you realy expect them to read past., "I was just masturbating" ??
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Old 07-05-2009, 07:29 AM   #3
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Old 07-05-2009, 07:29 AM   #4
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We've all been there...
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Old 07-05-2009, 07:48 AM   #5
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Congratz bro, enjoy your aids.

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Old 07-05-2009, 08:01 AM   #6
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hahaha lool
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Old 07-05-2009, 08:04 AM   #7
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Damn...... iDunno what to say bro.
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Old 07-05-2009, 09:33 AM   #8
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Old 07-05-2009, 09:57 AM   #9
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john hopkins! congratulations!
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Old 07-05-2009, 01:44 PM   #10
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Couldn't of happened to a more deserving person........son of a bitch!
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Old 07-05-2009, 01:48 PM   #11
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SICLMAO Fantastic D Hac You Havent Heard Of Lock Doors
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Old 07-05-2009, 01:51 PM   #12
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hahaha wtf
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Old 07-05-2009, 03:35 PM   #13
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lmfao im blowed great story
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Old 07-05-2009, 03:42 PM   #14
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are u serious????




























or high










































or u just being an asshole??










































































































pick one
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Old 07-05-2009, 03:44 PM   #15
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I feel your pain bro but.........


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Old 07-05-2009, 03:51 PM   #16
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LMFAO! that was the greatest story ever told, no doubt.


btw, you are screwed hahaha
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:17 PM   #17
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Lmao man! No words.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:44 PM   #18
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lmfaoooo, hahahahahaha
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:50 PM   #19
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i usually watch porn with 5.1 surround sound....
use a cotton swab and stick in in ur dick hole and twist it to get out the old spice
and dam, it sounds like you didnt even bust ya walnut....wat a waste

ps. pic or gtfo
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:53 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hjones View Post
this caused my headphone cable to get yanked out of my speakers, which caused "oh yeah baby come deep in my tight teen asshole uh uh uh" to get blared through my fucking house and almost maximum volume.

lol ^
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Old 07-05-2009, 06:15 PM   #21
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hmmm...thats quite a predicament...
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Old 07-05-2009, 06:23 PM   #22
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is there a cliff notes version
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Old 07-05-2009, 06:30 PM   #23
 
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^
Hes 'claiming' he masturbated over some porn, got a sharp pain in his dick, jumped up knocking a deodorant or something in the process which ending up hittin his dick causing it to bleed and covering it in the deodorant at the same time.

He screamed and his christian dad came in and seen him standing tall with a bloody erection.

Now at that point its obvious bullshit because you wouldnt of kept an erection lol
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Old 07-05-2009, 06:41 PM   #24
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^^^speaking in experience??
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Old 07-05-2009, 07:14 PM   #25
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girlfriend<<<<<<<<<<<get one
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