WTF? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!!

HJones · 07-05-2009, 07:05 AM

MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY SKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SeEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK.

rollindolo · 07-05-2009, 07:07 AM

you realy expect people to read all that?? and even if they do.. you realy expect them to read past., "I was just masturbating" ??

TeGo · 07-05-2009, 07:29 AM

Chobie · 07-05-2009, 07:29 AM

We've all been there...

iNfAMOUS G-CORP. · 07-05-2009, 07:48 AM

Congratz bro, enjoy your aids.

tha clan · 07-05-2009, 08:01 AM

hahaha lool

Snapper · 07-05-2009, 08:04 AM

Damn...... iDunno what to say bro.

Nikelz · 07-05-2009, 09:33 AM

THREATS · 07-05-2009, 09:57 AM

john hopkins! congratulations!

Nanse · 07-05-2009, 01:44 PM

Couldn't of happened to a more deserving person........son of a bitch!

Da Dynasty · 07-05-2009, 01:48 PM

SICLMAO Fantastic D Hac You Havent Heard Of Lock Doors

skitershady · 07-05-2009, 01:51 PM

hahaha wtf

NeGroDaMu$ · 07-05-2009, 03:35 PM

lmfao im blowed great story

e-playa · 07-05-2009, 03:42 PM

are u serious????

or high

or u just being an asshole??

pick one

26shotz · 07-05-2009, 03:44 PM

I feel your pain bro but.........

Gods Plan · 07-05-2009, 03:51 PM

LMFAO! that was the greatest story ever told, no doubt.

btw, you are screwed hahaha

robert henry · 07-05-2009, 05:17 PM

Lmao man! No words.

Ciya · 07-05-2009, 05:44 PM

lmfaoooo, hahahahahaha

BABYLEG · 07-05-2009, 05:50 PM

i usually watch porn with 5.1 surround sound....
use a cotton swab and stick in in ur dick hole and twist it to get out the old spice
and dam, it sounds like you didnt even bust ya walnut....wat a waste

ps. pic or gtfo

Gunners · 07-05-2009, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjones

this caused my headphone cable to get yanked out of my speakers, which caused "oh yeah baby come deep in my tight teen asshole uh uh uh" to get blared through my fucking house and almost maximum volume.

lol ^

Mr Dillinger · 07-05-2009, 06:15 PM

hmmm...thats quite a predicament...

Whoo_Kid · 07-05-2009, 06:23 PM

is there a cliff notes version

BKMC KweL1 · 07-05-2009, 06:30 PM

^
Hes 'claiming' he masturbated over some porn, got a sharp pain in his dick, jumped up knocking a deodorant or something in the process which ending up hittin his dick causing it to bleed and covering it in the deodorant at the same time.

He screamed and his christian dad came in and seen him standing tall with a bloody erection.

Now at that point its obvious bullshit because you wouldnt of kept an erection lol

GodToYouKids22 · 07-05-2009, 06:41 PM

^^^speaking in experience??

-Da Boy JR- · 07-05-2009, 07:14 PM

girlfriend<<<<<<<<<<<get one

07-05-2009, 07:05 AM	#1
HJones Veteran Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mars Posts: 3,457 Repped: 1,298 Repped 1,038 Times in 451 Posts Neg Reps: 501 Neg Repped at 395 Times in 314 Posts	FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!! MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY SKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SeEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. Last edited by HJones; 07-05-2009 at 07:11 AM.

07-05-2009, 07:29 AM	#3
TeGo Veteran Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: In Ya Bedroom Wit Da Nina, Where The Lube At? :ninja: Posts: 8,484 Repped: 1,189 Repped 1,685 Times in 763 Posts Neg Reps: 27 Neg Repped at 123 Times in 94 Posts	__________________

07-05-2009, 07:29 AM	#4
Chobie Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,634 Repped: 35 Repped 770 Times in 341 Posts Neg Reps: 107 Neg Repped at 191 Times in 122 Posts	We've all been there... __________________ This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook. ^^i tried that yesterday, didnt work out well -NuScOOl

07-05-2009, 07:48 AM	#5
iNfAMOUS G-CORP. iRun****HereUjustPostHere Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: WEST - LONDON, UK Posts: 2,630,716 Posts: 7,726 Repped: 3,084 Repped 4,089 Times in 1,094 Posts Neg Reps: 61 Neg Repped at 121 Times in 101 Posts	Congratz bro, enjoy your aids. __________________

07-05-2009, 08:01 AM	#6
tha clan Veteran Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: London Posts: 1,806 Repped: 655 Repped 342 Times in 163 Posts Neg Reps: 471 Neg Repped at 368 Times in 159 Posts	hahaha lool __________________

07-05-2009, 07:07 AM	#2
rollindolo Banned Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Cali Posts: 415 Repped: 65 Repped 157 Times in 70 Posts Neg Reps: 51 Neg Repped at 254 Times in 135 Posts	you realy expect people to read all that?? and even if they do.. you realy expect them to read past., "I was just masturbating" ??

07-05-2009, 08:04 AM	#7
Snapper ◆ㅣㄴㄴㅆ∂┳┃¢◇ Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: England. Posts: 5,622 Repped: 1,868 Repped 820 Times in 351 Posts Neg Reps: 102 Neg Repped at 72 Times in 57 Posts	Damn...... iDunno what to say bro.

07-05-2009, 09:33 AM	#8
Nikelz UGH UGH UGH! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Keri's Ass Posts: 14,093 Repped: 5,377 Repped 3,260 Times in 1,144 Posts Neg Reps: 903 Neg Repped at 644 Times in 381 Posts	__________________ "the great warriors on the battlegrounds cant achieve the same goals as the king on the throne" - Mazarati1986

07-05-2009, 09:57 AM	#9
THREATS Veteran Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 9,681 Repped: 525 Repped 263 Times in 138 Posts Neg Reps: 25 Neg Repped at 16 Times in 14 Posts	john hopkins! congratulations!

07-05-2009, 01:44 PM	#10
Nanse Da Purple Pimp Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: I'm from N-E-W Jerz., where plenty murders occurz Posts: 3,179 Repped: 709 Repped 410 Times in 250 Posts Neg Reps: 50 Neg Repped at 75 Times in 74 Posts	Couldn't of happened to a more deserving person........son of a bitch! __________________

07-05-2009, 01:48 PM	#11
Da Dynasty Stop Learned Helplessness Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Mississippi Posts: 11,941 Repped: 6,023 Repped 1,248 Times in 441 Posts Neg Reps: 53 Neg Repped at 36 Times in 31 Posts	SICLMAO Fantastic D Hac You Havent Heard Of Lock Doors __________________

07-05-2009, 01:51 PM	#12
skitershady Veteran Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Tampa Florida Posts: 2,874 Repped: 1,636 Repped 647 Times in 231 Posts Neg Reps: 96 Neg Repped at 48 Times in 35 Posts	hahaha wtf

07-05-2009, 03:35 PM	#13
NeGroDaMu$ Veteran Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Miami, FL Posts: 2,341 Repped: 604 Repped 122 Times in 48 Posts Neg Reps: 22 Neg Repped at 7 Times in 5 Posts	lmfao im blowed great story

07-05-2009, 03:42 PM	#14
e-playa Veteran Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Europe-$lovenia Posts: 2,563 Repped: 509 Repped 457 Times in 234 Posts Neg Reps: 32 Neg Repped at 38 Times in 29 Posts	are u serious???? or high or u just being an asshole?? pick one __________________

07-05-2009, 03:44 PM	#15
26shotz Banned Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Providence Posts: 3,548 Repped: 883 Repped 565 Times in 173 Posts Neg Reps: 37 Neg Repped at 69 Times in 46 Posts	I feel your pain bro but.........

07-05-2009, 06:15 PM	#21
Mr Dillinger SyKo THAT GENIUS Join Date: May 2006 Location: Crime Alley, Gotham City... Posts: 4,589 Repped: 327 Repped 571 Times in 393 Posts Neg Reps: 33 Neg Repped at 69 Times in 53 Posts	hmmm...thats quite a predicament... __________________ All it takes is one bad day to drive an average, modest man irretrievably insane.

07-05-2009, 03:51 PM	#16
Gods Plan The One & Only. Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland Posts: 7,716 Repped: 1,785 Repped 3,213 Times in 585 Posts Neg Reps: 184 Neg Repped at 172 Times in 118 Posts	LMFAO! that was the greatest story ever told, no doubt. btw, you are screwed hahaha

07-05-2009, 05:17 PM	#17
robert henry Young F Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: South London Posts: 4,043 Repped: 588 Repped 1,491 Times in 589 Posts Neg Reps: 131 Neg Repped at 87 Times in 77 Posts	Lmao man! No words. __________________ Couldn't care less

07-05-2009, 05:44 PM	#18
Ciya Veteran Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Bremen/Germany Posts: 7,252 Repped: 2,435 Repped 1,348 Times in 340 Posts Neg Reps: 10 Neg Repped at 42 Times in 31 Posts	lmfaoooo, hahahahahaha __________________ A Girl Ask Me For A Ring And I Put One Around Her Whole Eye - Big L

07-05-2009, 05:50 PM	#19
BABYLEG Ur Mom Sucked My Leg Head Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 3,782 Repped: 1,292 Repped 1,241 Times in 554 Posts Neg Reps: 97 Neg Repped at 128 Times in 111 Posts	i usually watch porn with 5.1 surround sound.... use a cotton swab and stick in in ur dick hole and twist it to get out the old spice and dam, it sounds like you didnt even bust ya walnut....wat a waste ps. pic or gtfo __________________

07-05-2009, 06:23 PM	#22
Whoo_Kid Cleveland Faithful Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 4,563 Repped: 1,273 Repped 1,247 Times in 491 Posts Neg Reps: 52 Neg Repped at 65 Times in 53 Posts	is there a cliff notes version

07-05-2009, 06:30 PM	#23
BKMC KweL1 Veteran Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,093 Repped: 53 Repped 243 Times in 143 Posts Neg Reps: 5 Neg Repped at 11 Times in 11 Posts	^ Hes 'claiming' he masturbated over some porn, got a sharp pain in his dick, jumped up knocking a deodorant or something in the process which ending up hittin his dick causing it to bleed and covering it in the deodorant at the same time. He screamed and his christian dad came in and seen him standing tall with a bloody erection. Now at that point its obvious bullshit because you wouldnt of kept an erection lol __________________

07-05-2009, 06:41 PM	#24
GodToYouKids22 -Ŧħę Fяëşħ Pŕιиєê- Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Jerz Where We Tuck Heat And Love Shanks -Buddens Posts: 8,705 Repped: 1,434 Repped 2,282 Times in 794 Posts Neg Reps: 828 Neg Repped at 569 Times in 396 Posts	^^^speaking in experience?? __________________ The Only REAL Jets Fan On Here !! ┌П┐(◣_◢)┌П┐

07-05-2009, 07:14 PM	#25
-Da Boy JR- back by popular demand Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Probably With Ur Bitch Posts: 343 Repped: 91 Repped 128 Times in 41 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 2 Times in 2 Posts	girlfriend<<<<<<<<<<<get one __________________

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