WTF? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!!

HJones · 07-05-2009, 07:05 AM

MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY SKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SeEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK.

rollindolo · 07-05-2009, 07:07 AM

you realy expect people to read all that?? and even if they do.. you realy expect them to read past., "I was just masturbating" ??

TeGo · 07-05-2009, 07:29 AM

Chobie · 07-05-2009, 07:29 AM

We've all been there...

iNfAMOUS G-CORP. · 07-05-2009, 07:48 AM

Congratz bro, enjoy your aids.

tha clan · 07-05-2009, 08:01 AM

hahaha lool

Snapper · 07-05-2009, 08:04 AM

Damn...... iDunno what to say bro.

Nikelz · 07-05-2009, 09:33 AM

THREATS · 07-05-2009, 09:57 AM

john hopkins! congratulations!

Nanse · 07-05-2009, 01:44 PM

Couldn't of happened to a more deserving person........son of a bitch!

Da Dynasty · 07-05-2009, 01:48 PM

SICLMAO Fantastic D Hac You Havent Heard Of Lock Doors

skitershady · 07-05-2009, 01:51 PM

hahaha wtf

NeGroDaMu$ · 07-05-2009, 03:35 PM

lmfao im blowed great story

e-playa · 07-05-2009, 03:42 PM

are u serious????

or high

or u just being an asshole??

pick one

26shotz · 07-05-2009, 03:44 PM

I feel your pain bro but.........

Gods Plan · 07-05-2009, 03:51 PM

LMFAO! that was the greatest story ever told, no doubt.

btw, you are screwed hahaha

robert henry · 07-05-2009, 05:17 PM

Lmao man! No words.

Ciya · 07-05-2009, 05:44 PM

lmfaoooo, hahahahahaha

BABYLEG · 07-05-2009, 05:50 PM

i usually watch porn with 5.1 surround sound....
use a cotton swab and stick in in ur dick hole and twist it to get out the old spice
and dam, it sounds like you didnt even bust ya walnut....wat a waste

ps. pic or gtfo

Gunners · 07-05-2009, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjones

this caused my headphone cable to get yanked out of my speakers, which caused "oh yeah baby come deep in my tight teen asshole uh uh uh" to get blared through my fucking house and almost maximum volume.

lol ^

Mr Dillinger · 07-05-2009, 06:15 PM

hmmm...thats quite a predicament...

Whoo_Kid · 07-05-2009, 06:23 PM

is there a cliff notes version

BKMC KweL1 · 07-05-2009, 06:30 PM

^
Hes 'claiming' he masturbated over some porn, got a sharp pain in his dick, jumped up knocking a deodorant or something in the process which ending up hittin his dick causing it to bleed and covering it in the deodorant at the same time.

He screamed and his christian dad came in and seen him standing tall with a bloody erection.

Now at that point its obvious bullshit because you wouldnt of kept an erection lol

GodToYouKids22 · 07-05-2009, 06:41 PM

^^^speaking in experience??

-Da Boy JR- · 07-05-2009, 07:14 PM

girlfriend<<<<<<<<<<<get one

07-05-2009, 07:05 AM	#1
HJones Veteran Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mars Posts: 3,096 Repped: 1,087 Repped 891 Times in 393 Posts Neg Reps: 443 Neg Repped at 360 Times in 286 Posts	FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKkKKKK!!! MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY SKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SeEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. Last edited by HJones; 07-05-2009 at 07:11 AM.

07-05-2009, 07:29 AM	#3
TeGo Veteran Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: In Ya Bedroom Wit Da Nina, Where The Lube At? :ninja: Posts: 8,273 Repped: 1,076 Repped 1,596 Times in 722 Posts Neg Reps: 23 Neg Repped at 121 Times in 91 Posts	__________________

07-05-2009, 07:29 AM	#4
Chobie Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2,607 Repped: 35 Repped 759 Times in 337 Posts Neg Reps: 107 Neg Repped at 171 Times in 114 Posts	We've all been there... __________________ This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook. ^^i tried that yesterday, didnt work out well -NuScOOl

07-05-2009, 07:48 AM	#5
iNfAMOUS G-CORP. iRun****HereUjustPostHere Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: WEST - LONDON, UK Posts: 2,630,716 Posts: 7,132 Repped: 2,823 Repped 3,596 Times in 938 Posts Neg Reps: 56 Neg Repped at 94 Times in 78 Posts	Congratz bro, enjoy your aids. __________________ The consequences mean nothin', those semi auto's is bustin' Crack sellin', predicate felon...spit big words but I can't spell 'em.. Put a shot to your melon - that'll keep your punk ass from tellin'...

07-05-2009, 09:33 AM	#8
Nikelz UGH UGH UGH! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Keri's Ass Posts: 13,172 Repped: 4,913 Repped 2,945 Times in 1,024 Posts Neg Reps: 697 Neg Repped at 581 Times in 334 Posts	__________________ "the great warriors on the battlegrounds cant achieve the same goals as the king on the throne" - Mazarati1986

07-05-2009, 07:07 AM	#2
rollindolo Banned Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Cali Posts: 415 Repped: 65 Repped 157 Times in 70 Posts Neg Reps: 51 Neg Repped at 254 Times in 135 Posts	you realy expect people to read all that?? and even if they do.. you realy expect them to read past., "I was just masturbating" ??

07-05-2009, 08:01 AM	#6
tha clan Banned Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: London Posts: 1,779 Repped: 645 Repped 343 Times in 164 Posts Neg Reps: 456 Neg Repped at 359 Times in 157 Posts	hahaha lool

07-05-2009, 08:04 AM	#7
Snapper ◆ㅣㄴㄴㅆ∂┳┃¢◇ Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: England. Posts: 5,619 Repped: 1,866 Repped 820 Times in 351 Posts Neg Reps: 102 Neg Repped at 71 Times in 56 Posts	Damn...... iDunno what to say bro.

07-05-2009, 09:57 AM	#9
THREATS Veteran Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 9,681 Repped: 525 Repped 263 Times in 138 Posts Neg Reps: 25 Neg Repped at 16 Times in 14 Posts	john hopkins! congratulations!

07-05-2009, 01:44 PM	#10
Nanse Da Purple Pimp Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: I'm from N-E-W Jerz., where plenty murders occurz Posts: 3,130 Repped: 692 Repped 376 Times in 236 Posts Neg Reps: 49 Neg Repped at 75 Times in 74 Posts	Couldn't of happened to a more deserving person........son of a bitch! __________________ I'm the M.B.P., Most Ballin-ist Player Make my own rules, bitch call me the mayor

07-05-2009, 01:48 PM	#11
Da Dynasty Stop Learned Helplessness Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Mississippi Posts: 11,936 Repped: 6,018 Repped 1,248 Times in 441 Posts Neg Reps: 53 Neg Repped at 36 Times in 31 Posts	SICLMAO Fantastic D Hac You Havent Heard Of Lock Doors __________________

07-05-2009, 01:51 PM	#12
skitershady Veteran Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Tampa Florida Posts: 2,565 Repped: 1,387 Repped 619 Times in 218 Posts Neg Reps: 84 Neg Repped at 46 Times in 33 Posts	hahaha wtf

07-05-2009, 03:35 PM	#13
NeGroDaMu$ Veteran Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Miami, FL Posts: 2,293 Repped: 567 Repped 118 Times in 45 Posts Neg Reps: 20 Neg Repped at 4 Times in 4 Posts	lmfao im blowed great story

07-05-2009, 03:42 PM	#14
e-playa Veteran Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Europe-$lovenia Posts: 2,465 Repped: 478 Repped 405 Times in 209 Posts Neg Reps: 26 Neg Repped at 32 Times in 24 Posts	are u serious???? or high or u just being an asshole?? pick one __________________

07-05-2009, 03:44 PM	#15
26shotz Banned Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Providence Posts: 3,548 Repped: 883 Repped 565 Times in 173 Posts Neg Reps: 37 Neg Repped at 69 Times in 46 Posts	I feel your pain bro but.........

07-05-2009, 03:51 PM	#16
Gods Plan The One & Only. Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland Posts: 7,635 Repped: 1,750 Repped 3,196 Times in 574 Posts Neg Reps: 176 Neg Repped at 152 Times in 110 Posts	LMFAO! that was the greatest story ever told, no doubt. btw, you are screwed hahaha

07-05-2009, 05:17 PM	#17
robert henry Young F Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: South London Posts: 3,829 Repped: 552 Repped 1,282 Times in 525 Posts Neg Reps: 125 Neg Repped at 76 Times in 71 Posts	Lmao man! No words. __________________ Yet Untitled Album - Coming This Month!

07-05-2009, 05:44 PM	#18
Ciya Veteran Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Where Benz,BMW,Porsche..... from/Bremen City Posts: 7,149 Repped: 2,382 Repped 1,292 Times in 317 Posts Neg Reps: 7 Neg Repped at 37 Times in 28 Posts	lmfaoooo, hahahahahaha __________________ A Girl Ask Me For A Ring And I Put One Around Her Whole Eye - Big L

07-05-2009, 05:50 PM	#19
BABYLEG Veteran Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 3,506 Repped: 1,164 Repped 1,040 Times in 478 Posts Neg Reps: 96 Neg Repped at 124 Times in 107 Posts	i usually watch porn with 5.1 surround sound.... use a cotton swab and stick in in ur dick hole and twist it to get out the old spice and dam, it sounds like you didnt even bust ya walnut....wat a waste ps. pic or gtfo __________________

07-05-2009, 06:15 PM	#21
Mr Dillinger SyKo THAT GENIUS Join Date: May 2006 Location: Crime Alley, Gotham City... Posts: 4,312 Repped: 286 Repped 489 Times in 342 Posts Neg Reps: 8 Neg Repped at 63 Times in 49 Posts	hmmm...thats quite a predicament... __________________ All it takes is one bad day to drive an average, modest man irretrievably insane.

07-05-2009, 06:23 PM	#22
Whoo_Kid Cleveland Faithful Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 4,229 Repped: 1,081 Repped 1,004 Times in 428 Posts Neg Reps: 36 Neg Repped at 54 Times in 43 Posts	is there a cliff notes version

07-05-2009, 06:30 PM	#23
BKMC KweL1 Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 940 Repped: 34 Repped 154 Times in 103 Posts Neg Reps: 2 Neg Repped at 8 Times in 8 Posts	^ Hes 'claiming' he masturbated over some porn, got a sharp pain in his dick, jumped up knocking a deodorant or something in the process which ending up hittin his dick causing it to bleed and covering it in the deodorant at the same time. He screamed and his christian dad came in and seen him standing tall with a bloody erection. Now at that point its obvious bullshit because you wouldnt of kept an erection lol __________________

07-05-2009, 06:41 PM	#24
GodToYouKids22 -Ŧħę Fяëşħ Pŕιиєê- Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Jerz Where We Tuck Heat And Love Shanks -Buddens Posts: 8,051 Repped: 1,226 Repped 1,979 Times in 680 Posts Neg Reps: 656 Neg Repped at 458 Times in 316 Posts	^^^speaking in experience?? __________________ Being positive might not cure ALL ur problems.. but it WILL piss off ur haters enuff 2 b worth da effort <-true story

07-05-2009, 07:14 PM	#25
-Da Boy JR- back by popular demand Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Probably With Ur Bitch Posts: 338 Repped: 91 Repped 126 Times in 40 Posts Neg Reps: 0 Neg Repped at 2 Times in 2 Posts	girlfriend<<<<<<<<<<<get one __________________

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